


Assassin

by LostCommander13



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Assassin - Freeform, Gen, More tags to be added, violence(not too graphic)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2018-11-29 23:16:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 34,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11451108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostCommander13/pseuds/LostCommander13
Summary: "I'm not afraid of the Empire...not anymore."---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Traitor. Insurgent. Rebel. Freak. Monster. I've been called these and so much more. Maybe some of them do apply to me, maybe none, or maybe even all. But...there is one thing I consider myself. I'm an assassin...





	1. Run

**Chapter 1: Run**

Jazen's POV:

 

You know the feeling when you're being watched? That's exactly how I felt walking through the crowded market of Lothal. Not just one pair of eyes boring into me, but several. Even with the sunglasses on and my hood pulled low, they knew something was different about me. They're not wrong. Everyone knew about me, but they didn't know what I looked like, aside from my eye color. No one really did. It was a lot easier, though, since I was wanted for treason..

 

A couple Stormtroopers walked past me, holding their weapons. They barely even glanced at me as they walked by. I wasn't going to start a fight in a public space. Not with so many people at risk. Besides, with the stunt I had pulled just yesterday, the local Imperials were already on edge. That's what happens when you blow up half of their base. Of course, it wasn't completely my fault. I never detonated the explosive on purpose. I had been tackled on the way out, which happened to set it off. Granted, I had planted the device, but was never going to actually blow anything up. It was just in case things went south in a very bad way, and had a ten second timer to give me an opportunity to run.

 

I adjusted the bag I had slung over my shoulder before brushing a few strands of my dark blonde hair out of my eyes. Most of the stolen weapons I was going to sell had already been sold. All I needed now was to buy some new gloves, some food and water, and a couple new shirts. I was wearing my last un-ripped or otherwise ruined shirt, so I couldn't leave without buying some new ones.

 

I easily cut through the crowd and crossed over to a vendor selling clothing. I grabbed new black leather gloves, and a few t-shirts- black and grey-and draped them over my arm before handing over the credits to the merchant. The Rodian took the money without a word, and I walked away, tucking the shirts into my bag and then pulling on my new gloves.

 

As I was starting over to another stand, I noticed a couple Stormtroopers harassing one of the sellers. Everyone else had given them space. _Don't start a fire-fight_ , I warned myself. But, even so, I purposely walked in between them and the poor lady, shoving one slightly as I did so. Before I got all the way past them, one gripped my shoulder.

 

I huffed and pushed his hand off. "What do you want?"

 

"Interfering with Imperial business can get you arrested."

 

"Since when is antagonizing citizens your job?" I asked calmly. The second Trooper walked over as well when I asked that. The lady darted off without looking back.

 

"It's not your place to decide what is and isn't our business, kid. Go find your parents before you get in more trouble." Even though I couldn't see his eyes, I knew he was studying me.

 

"Then I'll make it my place," I muttered before jerking his blaster out of his hands and taking off with it. They followed, of course. I couldn't start some kind of shoot off in the middle of a crowded market, but I could lead them out of the crowds. Then I could do whatever. Plan in mind, I effortlessly ducked through the people. By the time I had slipped out of the crowds, the Troopers had only made it about halfway through. I dashed into an alley to wait. That's one thing all Stormtroopers have in common. They're predictable, I thought, absently checking the blaster to make sure it was charged. And I started to count.

 

Four minutes and thirty-seven seconds later, the two Stormtroopers entered the alley. I leaned against the wall-about one and half yards above my head, the wall about nine or so feet tall total- where it dead ended, twirling the blaster in my left hand.

 

"We don't have time for games, kid. Give me the blaster," the one on the right demanded.

 

"I don't have time for games either." With that, I fired two quick shots and their bodies crumpled to the ground. Someone nearby shouted at the sudden gunfire, and I kept the weapon trained on the alley entrance. A few people- I counted four- stepped into the alley. One wore a helmet, Mandalorian by the design, another had shoulder armor, one had shin armor, and one had no armor that I could see. All four were armed.

 

They looked from the bodies to me. I lowered the stolen blaster when I realized they were civilians. The man stepped forward, his hand up towards me. I had my knife in my hand before I even registered my instinctive movement. He froze in his tracks, staring at me. I studied them more carefully. A human female and a human male, both a little older than me. An adult male. And...a Lasat.

 

"What do you want?" I asked, still watching them warily behind my tinted sunglasses.

 

"We heard blaster fire," the man replied.

 

I took a step back as he stepped forward. "Stay right there," I warned. He stopped.

 

"What even happened?" the girl asked, looking down at the dead Stormtroopers.

 

"They got shot," I said simply.

 

I had the feeling that she was rolling her eyes inside that painted helmet. "Got that. Who shot them?"

 

"Who do you think?" I retorted, casually tossing the blaster next to the bodies. I examined the people carefully and then turned around, pulling my hood back up as I jumped up on the wall. I easily found footholds and handholds and scrambled up the wall in less than a minute. Pausing at the top, I glanced down once more, meeting the man's gaze even though he couldn't see my eyes. Something was strange about him and his friends. I started down the wall, deciding I could get my food later.

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**A/N+DISCLAIMER: I have posted this story on four other websites as well as this one. Comments are welcome and criticism is appreciated.**

**I DO NOT OWN STAR WARS!**


	2. Back-Up

**Chapter 2: Back-Up**

Jazen's POV:

 

It had only been a week since my last major mission, and I was already planning another one. After I had gotten back to my hideout, I had changed shirts and grabbed my macrobinoculars  and rifle before leaving again. Which lead to me sitting on a rooftop across from an Imperial base roughly 500 miles away from the one that had blown up. I held my binoculars with one hand, jotting down notes in my open notebook about their security with the other.  _ Recon today, strike day after tomorrow, _ I decided, tapping my pen against the paper.

 

Their security wasn't the best, but it wasn't nonexistent either. Two Troopers posted at both entrances, with  the guards rotating every hour and keypads beside each door. I could get past both of those just fine. It was the Walker stationed outside that would pose a problem. I lowered the binoculars but didn't set them down.

 

_ I could just blow it up, but that wouldn't really be stealthy. Could use my T-7... _

 

An explosion interrupted my thoughts, the  now-broken Walker tumbling to the ground. Four figures appeared from various hiding places, and I raised my binoculars to get a better look as they took out the guards.  _ It's those people from the market. So I  _ was _ right, then.  _ An alarm sounded, audible even from outside the complex, just as they disappeared inside. I stashed my binoculars and notebook in my bag, snatched up my rifle, and started down the building. There wouldn't be a better time to get what I came for. 

That alarm only got louder once I had slipped inside the building, but I more or less tuned it out. On the other side of the room, a blaster-fight was in progress, the Stormtroopers shooting at people just out of my line of sight. I paused long enough to come with at least part of a plan. The quickest way to get where I needed to be would be to cross the battlefield. I switched my rifle from stun to kill and dashed towards the fighting. Not many Troopers noticed me, and those that did were pretty occupied with the people that had started this. There were about twenty left, at least half that already down. I took out six on my way. Just before I reached the door to the next room, it opened, revealing at least forty more Troopers. 

 

I skidded to a stop and fired even as I backed away, dodging blaster bolts and ducking behind a stack of crates without even realizing I ended up not far from the people that were already there. I dropped my rifle and drew my two pistols. They had a much faster firing rate and no stun setting. Every five seconds, two Stormtroopers went down. I looked over my shoulder at the rebels, just as they took down the last of the original Stormtroopers and started shooting at the others with me.

 

_ This is taking too long. More'll show up soon _ . I holstered one blaster and reached into my jacket pocket, drawing out a bomb. It wouldn't kill anyone, just knock them out for awhile. Plus, it was short-ranged. The shock-waves would be a minor problem.

"You might want to get down," I called over my shoulder. They just looked at me, continuing to fire on the Troopers. I sighed, and threw the bomb anyway, hearing it go off and feeling the floor quake beneath me as I ducked lower. It only lasted a few seconds, and then the tremors subsided. I stood up.

 

The rebels were on the ground, unhurt, slowly standing up. I picked up my rifle and crossed over to an unconscious Imperial officer, slipping his code cylinder out of his pocket before walking past the Troopers to the door.

 

"What are you doing here?" someone called.

 

"Causing trouble," I answered, placing the cylinder in the slot and waiting the second for it to be read. My informant said the office would be towards the center of the building, and I was pretty sure the code cylinder didn't belong to someone with clearance to that office.  _ Figure it out when you get there. Sooner you get this done, sooner you get that electronic lock breaker and new speeder-bike. _

 

_ " _ Nice work with the bomb. How long do you think they'll stay out?"

 

This time, it was the girl that spoke. I sighed. "I don't know, depends on the people. I'm assuming you're here for a reason, so you might wanna hurry and get whatever it is done before more Imps show up." With that, I walked through the door, letting it close behind me.


	3. Help

**Chapter 3: Help**

Jazen’s POV:

 

“This was  _ not _ a good idea,” I muttered, crawling through the air vent for a few more feet. The place was practically  _ crawling _ with Troopers after the Walker was destroyed and I set off the bomb.  _ You should’ve waited two days, like you had  _ planned _ on. This wasn’t even a plan! You just shot someone and jumped in a vent! _

 

_ Security would’ve been too tight and you know it. _

 

“And now I’m arguing with myself.”

 

I sighed, seeing light at the end of the ventilation shaft. It could lead into another room or outside the complex. I still had a couple bombs and my pistols… _ Kriff it, _ I thought, pushing on the grate until it opened. It  _ did _ open outside, about five stories up. I hadn’t even realized I was that far up when I was running through the building. The datapad I had stolen was tucked securely into my jacket; it would be alright if I was careful when I jumped down. Stormtroopers   _ Throwing a bomb would just attract more of ‘em. were patrolling down below. Throwing a bomb would just attract more of ‘em. And I’m on foot. They’re not great shots, but they wouldn’t miss me every time. Even if I get passed them, they probably have bikes. I can’t out-run those. _

 

My head was starting to ache. I frowned, rubbing my eyes with one hand. I need caf. I sighed again and jumped. Both Troopers noticed me when I stood up from where I had rolled, but I shot them before they could draw their blasters. A few more Troopers rounded the corner just as I bolted for the building where I had stashed my bag. Blaster bolts tore up the ground behind me.

 

_ This is not a plan either! _

 

“Not now,” I muttered, jumping onto the side of the other building. 

 

A blaster bolt hit the wall about an inch from my hand, but I just grabbed another hand-hold and scrambled up the side of the building. Another bolt grazed my ankle as I pulled myself onto the roof, but my boots protected me from the hit. I grabbed my notebook and tucked it into my bag. Then I heard the whine.

 

“Seriously? A TIE?”

 

I looked down. Stormtroopers directly below me. Even the rifle on my back wasn’t powerful enough to take a TIE down. I backed away then hit the ground as the TIE opened fire. I got up again and ran towards the other edge of the building. Troopers there too. Even if I took them all out, I couldn’t beat a TIE on foot. Not to mention reinforcements. I still tried to figure something out, diving out of the TIE’s path of fire once more. My ankle twisted as I jumped out of the way almost immediately after. The roof was being torn apart by the fire. And then I heard another ship behind me.  _ That doesn’t sound like a TIE fighter. _ I glanced up from where I was crouched on the roof, and saw a small ship. It didn’t look Imperial, but then again it could’ve been someone who didn’t like me any more than the Empire did.

 

Then the ship shot the TIE down, and I covered my head as it exploded. That’s...not normal. When I looked up again, the ship was facing the other way, and it was open. It hovered close enough to the roof that I could make the jump. _ It’s your best bet. _ Someone was standing inside the ship, looking back at me. Still, I hesitated. Stormtroopers climbed onto the roof behind me, and I stood. My ankle hurt, but I ran for the edge of the roof anyway. I jumped just as the first few blaster shots hit the roof where I had been standing, rolling to lessen the impact as I landed in the ship. I sat up as the hatch closed. Two humans and a Lasat were looking down at me. There were a few small crates pushed against one wall.

 

“You’re the same kid from that alley,” the girl said.

 

I nodded and stood up. “And you’re some of the people I’ve seen on the holo-net. Rebels.” I reached into my jacket, making sure the stolen datapad was still safe there. “Where are we going?” I asked, peering through the windshield when I reached the control panel.

 

“Back to our ship. Gotta get what we took back there,” the man with the ponytail replied. “So… Why were you there?”

 

I shrugged. “Same as you. I’m assuming you’ll drop me off somewhere before you get there.”

“Well, actually… We wanted to talk to you. All of us.” 

 

_ The Twi’lek and the droid.  _ “If it’s about recruiting me, the answer’s no.”

 

“You didn’t even hear us out! How’d you know that?” Ezra asked.

 

“I didn’t  _ know _ until you just told me. It was a guess. Same as me guessing that she’s Mandalorian.”

 

The man smiled a little. “At least let us talk to you about it. Then you can leave, if you want.”

I nodded, watching the sky as we flew along.  _ Might as well listen. They did save my skin. _

 

_ Still not a good idea. You hardly know them. If it goes wrong…It’ll be a repeat of what happened with those pirates last year. Remember how  _ that _ turned out? _ I absently touched my side, directly over the scar from the year before. It was pretty faded, true, but I still knew exactly where it was.It was another ten minutes before I saw the other ship, parked in a field.  _ This probably won't be that bad. If it is bad, you can always just bail. _

The small ship docked with the larger one, and they one by one climbed down the ladder. I waited a few seconds then followed them down.


	4. Chapter 4: New

** Chapter 4: New **

 

**Kanan’s POV:**

Once on the ship, we had explained our offer and introduced ourselves- he didn’t tell us his name- and then he was quiet for a few minutes, twisting a dark purple bracelet around his wrist.

“You seem like okay people. And this is a hell of an opportunity, but...Living close-quarters with people I don’t know in a place where I usually won’t have a way out isn’t really something I’d particularly like.”

“That’s understandable. We won’t hurt you, though,” Hera said.

He grinned crookedly. “Wouldn’t be the first people that’ve said that and then hurt me. Tried to, anyways.”

“Fair point…” I paused. “You’re kinda young. Shouldn’t we maybe talk to your parents?”

He stopped grinning and clutched his rifle strap tightly. “I’m plenty old enough to make my own choices.”

“I just thought your parents would like to know. You’re, what, nine?”

He grit his teeth. “Twelve.” He sighed softly, shaking his head. “My dad’s dead. I don’t like talking about him, so how ‘bout we drop it?”

“Okay,” Hera said. “What about this: stay for a couple months, and if you don’t like it, you can leave.”

He glanced down at his hands then stood up. “Gimme a minute. I _do_ need to talk to someone.” He walked away, pulling something out of his pocket as he did. Five minutes later, he was back, tucking what looked like a comlink in his pocket. “Deal. Two months, then I leave if I don’t like it. But don’t expect me to follow _every_ order. I don’t work like that.”

“What’s your name?” Hera asked.

“Kris-” He paused then corrected himself, tugging on his bracelet. “Jazen. It’s Jazen.” He shifted the rifle still slung over his back then took it off, cradling it instead as he sat down. “What did you take from that base earlier?”

“Blasters. You?”

Jazen shrugged. “Data-pad of Imperial info.”

“You almost got shot by a TIE fighter for a data-pad?” Ezra asked.

Sabine nudged him. “You almost got shot over meilooruns.”

“True.”

Jazen glanced between them before he nodded again. “I wasn’t originally gonna attack today. I was doing recon when you showed up. If I’d waited, security would’ve been upped and I never woulda got in that office. So, I rushed it and attacked today. I’m usually not _that_ careless.”

“I know you don’t want to talk about your father, but...did he fight, too?”

“Yeah. Him and my uncle both. Guess they rubbed off on me.”

“What about your mother?” Ezra spoke up.

Jazen hesitated, rubbing the back of his neck. “She’s...It’s...She isn’t exactly around.”

“By that, you mean?”

“It’s complicated.” Jazen didn’t say anything else on that subject. “This is a nice ship.”

“You know how to fly?”

Jazen snorted. “Not even a little. I usually just call in favors or stow away on shuttles when I need to go off-world. I did take a ship’s pilot hostage until he landed and let me go, but that wasn’t my fault. They shouldn’t have tried to turn me in.”

“Favors? How many people could owe-”

“Some of them owed Dad,” Jazen cut in, twisting the adjuster on his rifle’s scope. “Since they couldn’t pay _him_ back, they gave me free rides. Most of them knew me.”

I turned my attention to the obviously modified rifle. It looked expensive, and too heavy for him to carry it as easily as he did. “Where’d you get that?”

“It’s one of a kind. Someone made it for me, based on what I wanted from a gun.”

“Can I see it?” Ezra asked.

Jazen hesitated, holding it closely. “It’s kinda the most important thing I own.”

“I’ll be careful.”

Reluctantly, Jazen handed it over to Ezra, who almost dropped it. Jazen helped him steady it. “Careful, the trigger’s sensitive.”

“It’s light.”

“I told you it was made for _me_. I’ve had for nearly three years. I couldn’t lug around a fully-weighted rifle back then. Especially not when I was running.”

Ezra studied it for awhile, looking through the sight. “What’s the range?”

“Depends. With perfect conditions, it’s almost 1500 yards. That’s a last resort, though. I try to stay within 800 yards.”

“What did you mean by the trigger’s sensitive?” Ezra reached for the trigger.

“Unless you’d _like_ to shoot someone, I suggest you don’t do that. Firstly, it doesn’t have a stun setting. Also, it’s sensitive as in you barely have to pull the trigger to fire.”

Ezra asked, “No stun setting? Who’s idea was that?”

Jazen took his rifle back when it was offered, cradling it again. “Mine. The guy that made it also made my throwing knives. And modified my pistols.”

“How much was the rifle?” Sabine asked.

Jazen shrugged. “No clue. Guy that made it wouldn’t take a payment. It’s a lot, though. The scope alone is about 500 creds.”

“Someone just gave you an expensive rifle that they made themselves? They didn’t ask for anything?” Hera questioned suspiciously.

“I promised that I’d try not to die. That’s all he wanted. If you want to sell weapons for a fair price, he’d be the person to go to.”

“Is he part of the bl-”

Jazen shook his head. “Everything he does...His whole business is actually legal. Completely legal. Except for helping me. Plus, his sister owns a bar that sells really good food.”

“They let you into a bar?”

“The owner knew my family. As long as I don’t drink anything alcoholic and try not to start bar fights, she doesn’t really care. She’s a little crazy.”

“You mentioned your uncle earlier…”

Jazen glanced up from wiping some dirt off his rifle. “Some gang jumped us in an alley on Garel. He didn’t survive the stab wounds.”

That didn’t seem to bother him as much as talking about his father did, and I said as much.

“We weren’t super close. I was only with him for...seven months? I cared about him, of course, just not... it wasn’t exactly the end of the world,” Jazen explained. He wouldn’t look at us anymore, and I guessed he wasn’t telling us everything. “He taught me how to fight in that time, though. Gave me my first weapon. I don’t have it now, by the way. I slit someone’s throat with it awhile back."

_Wonderful._

* * *

**_A/N: So sorry for the delay. Writer's block, but it's gone now. Plus, first three weeks of high school were kinda busy. I wrote the chapter for Rebel Cell first because I knew what I wanted in that one. I'm gonna stop talking now._ **

**_Comments are greatly appreciated, as is leaving kudos on this work. Seriously, please let me know what you think. (I'm fairly hard to offend.)_ **


	5. Deal

** Chapter 5: Deal **

**Jazen’s POV:**

I stopped writing for a few seconds, listening to the sounds in the other parts of the ship. In the four days since I’d joined, there was hardly ever quiet on the ship. It was a little disorienting at first, getting used to the noise. I didn’t know what they were doing, but I knew for sure that I heard Sabine’s spray paint a couple rooms away. I shook myself out of my thoughts and triple-checked that the stolen data-pad was in my bag with my knives.

I bent down to tie my boots, glancing at my bracelet as my sleeve slipped up and revealed it. _Dad would love this. All of this._ I sat up so fast I nearly hit my head on the top bunk.

_Where the hell did that come from?_

_You know this is what he wanted. What he always talked about._

I groaned, jerking my sleeve down over my bracelet. “Shuttup. I don’t need to get sidetracked right now.”

“Who are you talking to?”

I jumped again-( _Stop getting kriffing distracted!)-_ and looked up at Kanan. “Nobody. Just thinking out loud.”

“Okay. We’re about to leave.”

“Right, I’m ready.” I shoved my notebook into my bag and zipped it up before slipping it over my head. I double-knotted my boots’ laces and stood up and followed Kanan out. I wanted to take Niklas the data-pad so I could get my speeder-bike so I wouldn’t have to borrow someone else’s.

Once we were outside, Kanan turned to me. “You can-”

“I’m just gonna run today. It’s not far, and I haven’t really done much for the past few days, so… I’d rather run there. I can meet you here or somewhere else, if you like?”

“How far is it?”

“About seven miles. I’ll be there in a little over half an hour, then the deal should take maybe ten minutes, then about fifteen minutes back since I’ll have a new bike.”

“You’re going to run seven miles?” Ezra asked.

“It’s not that hard,” I replied.

Nobody else said anything. I waited until they left before I did the same, heading to the fairly dangerous town where Niklas lived. Niklas wasn’t as apprehensive as most people in that town, though, because he had a gang. At least eight people were with him at all times.

 

* * *

 

It ended up taking nearly forty minutes to get there. Niklas was standing next to the bar built into the building him and his gang had taken over, laughing with other members of his gang.

“Boss,” one of them said when I walked in.

Niklas turned around and grinned, showing the gap between his front teeth. “You didn’t die. I may have use for you yet.”

“Who said I’d do any more jobs for you?” I argued, pushing passed the people between me and him while I pulled the data-pad out. I held it up so he could see it. “I got what you wanted, now you keep your end of the deal.”

He gestured to the guy in the back, who then dug out and handed me the lock breaker. I took it without touching him and put it in my pocket. Niklas reached for the data-pad, but I held it out of his reach.

“The bike.”

“You actually think I’m gonna give you one of our speeder-bikes? You’re lucky I gave you the lock breaker.”

“No bike, no data-pad.”

Niklas chuckled and looked from me to the people clustered around us. “Kid thinks he’s scary. Just gimme the data-pad and run home.”

“No.” I shoved the data-pad back in my satchel.

“Hand it over.”

“No.”

Niklas’ eyes narrowed, and he stepped closer to me. “Then I’ll take it.”

“You’re gonna have to catch me first.” And I punched him, a straight hit to the gut that had him doubling over before I swept his legs from under him.

Everyone was frozen for a half second, and I was already diving over the bar-( _Too many between me and the door. Need somewhere I’ll have an advantage.)-_ by the time they snapped out of it. I started running as soon as I hit the ground amid the broken glass and spilled drinks. _There’s not a back door._ I realized; the hallway dead-ended, and the only other way was upstairs. I sprinted up the stairs.

_I could shoot them, but I can’t run up the stairs backwards, and I even I can’t shoot all...twenty of them. Half his gang must be here._

They thundered up the stairs a split second behind me, yelling threats. A knife flashed passed me, but I pivoted out of the way then kicked at the person closest to me, sending whoever it was crashing into some of the others. I turned the corner while they were cussing and trying to get their footing back.

_You’re upstairs, now what, genius?_

_Shuttup and let me think! I need to-That’ll work._

There was a shelf pushed against the wall, just a few feet below the beams criss-crossing the ceiling. I climbed up the shelves and stretched up to grab the beam. A few people made it up the stairs just as I started pulling myself up, so I clutched the bottom of the beam and braced my feet against the shelving unit and shoved until it toppled over. I clambered onto the beam, ignoring the knife that thudded into the wall below me. Ducking behind the beam that crossed the one I was standing on, I drew both my pistols and switched them to stun.

A few of them weren’t actually armed, and there were some that seemed pretty drunk. No sense in purposefully killing anyone. The couple that had blasters were half-decent shots, but I took them out first; two clean shots to the chest. Someone else threw a knife at me, but it missed by at least a foot. They definitely weren’t at their best. A few minutes later, the ones I was facing were all stunned, laying in a heap below me, but I could still hear footsteps. I had to turn fairly slowly or risk losing my balance, and by the time I did, the two remaining people had righted the shelf- _How’d they do that so quietly?-_ and a cutlass caught my side as I turned, slicing through my shirt before I could block it. Blood welled up in the cut. I deflected the next strike with my blaster, then hissed as the cutlass cut into my hand. I dropped my pistol and drew my knife in its place. The first guy climbed onto the beam while I backed away. The other guy stayed on the ground, waiting.

_What now?_

_I’m working on it!_

I blocked a few more strikes from the cutlass, then saw that the guy was a little off-balance on the beam. He glanced down between swings of his cutlass. _He’s afraid of heights._ I put my blaster and knife away and held my hands up.

“You got me.”

He hesitated, then cried out when I charged him. His cutlass clattered to the ground and he lost his footing, tumbling down after it. I stopped and looked down at the remaining guy. I jumped down, both my feet connecting with his shoulders while he was frozen in surprise. I rolled and stood up, brushing off my clothes and picking up my dropped gun. Before I did anything else, I pulled the medkit out of my bag and wound some bandages around the cut. The one on my hand didn’t need to be bandaged.

I went back down the stairs, finding Niklas in the same place he was before. He wasn’t grinning anymore, but he was still drinking.

“You’re not normal.”

“And you’re no good.”

He nodded. “Fair point. I’m a good shot, though.” He reached for the blaster holstered at his waist, but mine was already out, up, and levelled at his chest.

“You’re giving me my bike.”

“It’s on stu-” I flicked my blaster off the stun setting, and his eyes widened a little. “Alright, alright! Come on.”

I followed him outside, keeping my blaster trained on him. The bike he gave me had a horribly done black paint job, but it was otherwise well-maintained. (I checked everything about out before I gave him the data-pad and left.) I stopped not far from Niklas’ place and ripped the tracker out from beneath the handle bar on the left side, pitching it over my shoulder.

_That took less than ten minutes,_ I realized as I got back to the ship and pushed my bike up the ramp. I pulled my jacket on before anyone noticed the tear in my long-sleeve shirt and the bandages. I didn’t want anybody worrying about it.

* * *

**_A/N: I usually won't post two chapters this close together, but I knew how I wanted this one to go and felt bad for going so long without updating, so to make it up to you, another update that's about four hundred words longer than normal._ **


	6. Chapter 6: Dangerous

** Chapter 6: Dangerous **

Jazen’s POV:

“Someone’s following us,” I told Kanan, twisting my bracelet.

“How long?”

“Since we split up,” I answered as I half-turned, rifling through my bag so it didn’t look suspicious. _Just like anyone else in the markets._ Zeb and Sabine had gone off to do something about twenty minutes ago, leaving me with Kanan and Ezra. I’d joined them at the markets, wanting something to do. “Dark hair, hooded cloak, dark clothes. Not very old. I think it’s a guy,” I reported.

“How far away?” Ezra asked.

“Seven yards, give or take.” I looked back again. “He’s gone.” _How’d he disappear so fast in that crowd?_

“What do you mean, ‘gone’?” Kanan asked.

“Completely gone.” _That’s not true,_ I realized, pivoting to look to my right. I was just in time to see the person run down the alley paralleling where we were. _What if he’s going to-I gotta catch him!_ I took off down the alley, ignoring Kanan’s calls for me to come back. I rounded the corner.

_This was a bad idea._

The person had stopped, blocking the other end of the alley. My pistol, already in my hand from when I’d entered the alley, levelled at his chest. “Why are you following me?”

“I wasn’t following _you_ , but...You’ll do. There’s a bounty on you as well, yes?”

_You dropped your glasses, idiot!_

I could hear footsteps running towards us as I backed up. The person didn’t move, just stared at me.

“Jazen!”

The strange man smirked, making me shudder.

_I don’t like him. Something feels off about him._

I was about to turn, to run, to warn them, when something grabbed me and lifted me off the ground, throwing me into a wall. I cried out at the pain spreading from my side, mostly from where my shoulder hit the wall. The impact took my breath away. Once I had my breath back, I pushed myself up, wincing as I moved my shoulder. The person hadn’t even moved, other than his raised hand. _How…?_

Kanan and Ezra ran into the alley. ( _Did it really only take a second for that guy to get me?_ ) I got to my feet, shaking my head.

“Guys, he-” I jumped back; the man was right in front of me. Not fast enough. He grabbed my jacket collar ( _actually grabbed me, not whatever he’d done before._ _I feel like I know what that was.)_

“You’re not like those two.”

_What? No, focus!_ I didn’t reply, just struggled to get loose, kicking out at him. It landed, catching him just below his ribs. He let go; I rushed away from him and drew my pistol, joining Ezra and Kanan as they shot at him. He dodged the shots, reaching for something at his back. It looked like the handle for something, with a ring around it.

“An Inquisitor?” Ezra asked softly.

The man hit something and two red blades came to life at the ends of the handle.

_Red-blade. Like in the stories. A Force-user._ Kanan and Ezra pulled out similar objects, but without the rings around them. _Light-somethings… What’d Dad call ‘em?_

“You should go,” Kanan said.

“No way,” I responded, then something pushed me back, and I hit the wall again.

I didn’t stay down long, but it was long enough for the man to start a fight with Kanan and Ezra. He was fast, light on his feet, and obviously very good with his weapon. Even the two of them weren’t doing very well. _They need help. Something unexpected._

_That’ll work._

I silently stood up, waiting until the man’s full attention was on Kanan and Ezra. His back turned to me. I sprinted at the man, tackling him from behind. He dropped his weapon, and Kanan and Ezra stumbled back in shock.

“Brave one, aren’t you?”

I drew my knife, driving it into the gap in his armor before he shoved me off without touching me. He flinched as he pulled the knife out of his arm. I rushed over to Ezra and Kanan, holstering my pistols as I went.

“We should go,” I said quietly, pointing at the explosive I had planted. They saw it, and we ran. “I know a place to go,” I told them, just before the explosive went off.

There was a loud crash as one of the walls collapsed on the other person, but I didn’t look back. About ten minutes of running later, I slowed to a walk after realizing the person hadn’t chased us, gingerly rubbing my shoulder. My side burned, and I reached into my jacket and pressed my hand over it. It was warm.

_Blood. It’s probably worse now._

“You okay?” Ezra asked.

“Yeah,” I answered as I lead them to the door. I knocked loudly.

“I’m closed!”

_It’s nearly dark, of course he’s closed._ I knocked again, calling through the door, “It’s Jazen. Let me in.”

I could hear his hurried footsteps, and then the door opened. Darrick pulled me inside, and I waved Kanan and Ezra in before the door shut.

“You’re alive.” He clasped my shoulder, and I flinched, pushing his hand away.

“Course I’m alive.”

Darrick frowned at my reaction. “You’re hurt.”

“A little.” I rubbed my side absently, but he noticed.

“Don’t tell me you got stabbed again.”

I shook my head. “Not exactly. I got cut, and some guy just threw me at a wall.”

“Let me see.”

I stepped back when he reached for my jacket, already in his medic mode. I glanced at Kanan and Ezra, and he followed my gaze.

“Oh. Hello. I’m Darrick. Have a seat, if you like.” He looked back at me, pointing to the room he used for anything medical. “You, in there. I’m gonna grab you some water.” I nodded, setting my pistols on the table in front of the couch. He smiled when I did. “Now I don’t have to worry about you climbing out the window and running off.”

“That was one time!” I pointed out as I walked through the curtain to the other room and sat down on one of the three cots.

Darrick joined me a couple minutes later, handing me the glass of water, which I drank without checking. Darrick wouldn’t drug me.

“What did you do this time?” he asked.

I pulled off my jacket, wincing as I moved my shoulder. “Why do you assume I did something?” I pulled my shirt off too.

“Kid…” Darrick trailed off, shaking his head at the blood-stained bandage wrapped around me. He unwrapped it while he answered my question: “You’ve always done something.” Then he looked at me sharply. “You didn’t clean it, did you?”

“No, but-”

“Jazen, I’ve told you over and over to clean your wounds. It’s dangerous not to.”

“I was busy.”

“Getting thrown into a wall,” Darrick muttered, grabbing what he needed off the counter and then coming back over to me. “I swear, I’m gonna stop doing this when you won’t properly treat your injuries.”

“No, you’re not,” I responded.

He sighed while he started cleaning away the blood and then cleaning the cut itself. “You’re right, I won’t. Just...please start cleaning your wounds, okay?” He rewrapped it with a clean bandage and stood up fully, moving on to my shoulder. He probed it gently, and I winced as he pressed on a certain spot. “Not dislocated. It’s just a pretty bad bruise. Take a painkiller, take it _easy_ , and ice will help.”

I nodded, took the painkiller, and pulled my shirt and jacket back on, following him out. He sat down in the chair, and I sat down beside Ezra on the couch.

“Can I get you two anything? I have plenty of food and stuff,” Darrick said.

“No, thanks,” Kanan replied, looking around the room. There were some blasters and knives on the table pushed against the wall that he kept looking at.

Darrick noticed, too. “I make weapons for a living. I also treat a few patients, some times. Mostly _somebody_ who keeps getting himself hurt.”

I smiled. “Guess I’m just accident prone, huh?”

“Yeah. You being stubborn has nothing to do with it.”

“You made Jazen’s rifle,” Ezra guessed.

Darrick nodded. “Speaking of...You gave them your real name? I missed a lot, didn’t I? Cause last _I_ checked, you didn’t join any group, and those that you worked with sometimes only knew an alias.”

“They’re the people I told you about a few days ago. I gave them my real name because… I dunno. Just a feeling, I guess. You said it was a good idea.”

“I’m just glad they’re not Black Sun or something.”

I rolled my eyes. “You know I wouldn’t do that. How’s Mason and Solstice doing?”

Darrick looked confused, then he straightened up in his seat. “I forgot you’ve been laying low- which, by the way, how is blowing up a base laying low?- for a couple months. They’re great. A little busy with the new baby, of course, but Solstice is _so_ happy to be a mom.”

I blinked a few times. “Solstice had her baby already?” Darrick nodded and told me it was a girl. “And, for the record, I only blew up half the base. And it was an accident!”

“You should go see the baby. Solstice misses you, too.”

“You know why I’ve been avoiding them.” I shifted in my seat, tugging at my bracelet when I realized Kanan and Ezra had gone quiet, just watching and listening to our conversation. “We should probably head back,” I blurted. “I bet that guy is gone by now. Hera’ll be worried.”

Kanan and Ezra nodded, and Darrick politely showed us to the door, handing me my pistols.

“Jazen, contact me if you need anything. Anything at all,” he said as I took my weapons. “And please be careful.”

I nodded. “I promise I will.”

He smiled and the door shut when I turned away. It was dark when we got back to the ship and pushed our bikes onto the ship. Kanan went to talk to Hera, and I headed to the cabin I shared with Kanan, sighing as I laid down.

_I wanna go see Solstice. And Mason. And the baby._

_It’s too dangerous and you know it. You’ll get them killed. You can’t let that happen again._

* * *

**_A/N: Yes. Another update. I finished all the typing lessons I'm supposed to do for typing class, so I get to work on my stories for that hour, at least for awhile._ **


	7. Downward

**Chapter 7: Discussion**

Jazen's POV:

"We need to talk," I said as soon as Kanan walked into the cabin. "What the hell is an Inquisitor?"

"A Jedi hunter."

"So… Like a Sith?"

Some of Dad's stories were coming back to me in bits and pieces, but that much had been easy to remember. Hearing about Sith used to scare the hell out of me.

Kanan shook his head. "Not exactly. How do you know about Sith? You were born after-"

"Dad told me about Jedi and Sith and stuff," I cut in. "I just don't remember all of it now. I know people tried to wipe them out, but I'm not surprised there are still  _some_  left. Dad said Jedi were crazy powerful."

"Most people stopped telling their kids about the Jedi after the Empire rose." He didn't seem to be talking to me, so I didn't respond. He glanced at me. "How much did he tell you?"

I shrugged. "Like I said, I don't remember all of it. Mostly that Jedi were heroes."

"So you knew, at least, kind of what that guy was… And you still attacked him?" Kanan asked.

"He didn't expect any of us to charge him like that. I couldn't just stand there. Especially after  _I_  was stupid and ran after him."

"Why did you run after him, anyway?"

I hesitated and rubbed the back of my neck. "He was following m- _us_. I was worried he might be heading to Darrick's, and I wanted to know if I was right about who sent him. Which I still don't know."

"Who do you think sent him?"

 _You said that out loud. Kriff._  "Um...I'm probably wrong about it. Don't worry about it." He didn't believe me, but he let it go. I turned over, and started writing in my notebook again while he climbed up to his bed.

_What if she actually sent him, though? She might have given up on sending those two-bit people. She might be trying harder to catch you._

_Shut up._

I tried to ignore the arguments, focusing on sketching out new pistol modifcations I wanted to see if Darrick would make for me. I wrote for a little over half an hour before I fell asleep.

* * *

_Running._

_Running through rain and dark alleys._

_Tripping over myself in my hurry._

_Scraping my hands and knees on the ground._

_The blood joining that already staining my clothes._

_Crying._

_Shouts and loud steps behind me._

_Getting closer._

_**Keep going.** _

_**Get away from them.** _

_**Find a way off this planet.** _

_A knife scraping against the wall._

_Screaming when someone grabs me from behind._

_Pulling me off my feet._

_Another knife being waved in my face._

_People laughing at my fear._

_**They laughed at Uncle Conner.** _

_Angry at them._

_What they did._

_Freezing cold._

_Nothing…_

_Bodies on the ground behind me._

_Back on my feet._

_Not crying anymore._

_Not afraid anymore._

_Just running._

_Running._

* * *

"-down!"

I jolted awake and blinked several times. Ezra had his hands up, eyes wide. Then I realized I was sitting up on my knees with my knife clutched in one hand.

"Calm down!" Ezra repeated.

I forced my hand to relax, letting the knife fall onto the bed. "You tried to shake me awake, didn't you?"

"You weren't waking up when we just talked to you," Ezra said defensively. "Why do you have a  _knife_  under your pillow?"

I tucked the knife back underneath my pillow. "It's a safety precaution. Did you need me for something?"

"Practice. Kanan wanted me to see if you wanted to join us."

"Yeah, sure. Just give me a few minutes."

Ezra nodded and left. I sighed, running my hands through my hair.

_You almost stabbed him._

_I'm aware of that._

_You freaked him out pretty bad._

_Shut up._

I stood and closed my still-open notebook before joining the others outside in the field. I grabbed my rifle, my pistols already holstered at my waist. Kanan and Ezra were practicing with each other, their lightsabers-  _Yeah. That's what Dad called them-_  clashing. I just watched for awhile, transfixed by the movements.

_Always wondered what lightsaber combat looked like._

I snapped out of he trance after almost ten minutes and joined Sabine at target practice. Simply painted wooden targets of different sizes, set up at different distances, the smallest being at least three hundred yards away. The biggest was only around 60 yards away.

_Easy shots. Especially since they're not moving._

I waited until Sabine finished with her round- she got all bull's-eyes, which honestly wasn't that surprising- before drawing one of my pistols.  _Don't think about it. Instinct._

My mind cleared for the first time in several days as I fired one shot after the other. Bull's-eyes.

"Where'd you learn to shoot?" she asked.

"My dad," I answered simply. "You?"

"My family."

I nodded. We each did a few more rounds at target practice, then I sat down to watch Kanan and Ezra's sparring. The comlink in my pocket beeped quietly, and I took it out while I watched the match.

"Yeah?"

" _Are you still on Lothal?"_

"I am. Is something wrong, Darrick?"

" _Are you close?"_

I lost interest in the training match. "Yeah. Darrick, what's going on?"

" _Solstice's bar was robbed."_

"Are they hurt?" I asked.

" _No. But all their money was taken, and it scared them and the baby. They're at my place right now."_

"I'll be there in ten minutes," I promised. I had to see that they were okay. Even Darrick's word wasn't enough. I got my bike off the ship- along with my bag- and climbed on, starting it up. "I'm going to Darrick's. I'll be back in an hour or so!"

I didn't wait for a response.  _If I find out who did this, I'm gonna kill them._

_Solstice needs money. I have to help her...her family._

* * *

_**A/N: It's a little shorter than the average chapter, but the last chapter was about 700 words longer than normal, so hopefully, it balances out. If there are any mistakes, please let me know. (Most of this was typed during any amount of free time I had in any class I had it in, so it may be a little rushed.)** _

**_Feel free to ask any questions you have about the story, if you're confused. Or just leaving comment in general. I read and respond to every one, even if it takes a little while to get around to it._ **


	8. Spiral

** Chapter 8: Spiral **

Jazen’s POV:

I made it to Darrick’s in just over five minutes, not even stopping to knock. I could hear a baby crying as soon as I walked in. Mason and Darrick were leaning over the table, talking.

“-urity cameras were shut off… There’s just… nothing.”

I joined them at the table. Mason glanced at me and nodded abruptly. “Did you see anything?” I asked.

He shrugged. “It was kinda dark. I couldn’t really tell who it was. There were three people, I think. I didn’t stick around long enough to really know. I had to make sure my wife was alright.”

I nodded. “I understand that. Have you repaired the cameras?”

Mason nodded. “Solstice’s dad is changing the locks on the doors and adding more. Replacing the broken glass. We’re staying here until that’s finished.”

He kept glancing from me to the door, kind of going quiet. “I know, I won’t stay long,” I promised.

He stuttered for a second, then shook his head. “It’s nothing personal. You’re an okay kid, I ju-”

“It’s alright, Mason. You got a family to worry about. I just had to make sure you were okay. I’m gonna check on Solstice and the baby, then I’ll go.”

Darrick looked between us then shrugged and gestured to the stairs. “Guest room. You know where it is.”

I was already halfway up the stairs when he spoke. As soon as I got to the door to the guest room, I was hugged tightly and dragged into the room.

“Tell. Me. Everything!”

I lightly pushed Solstice off me. “Too close, too close. I only came up here to make sure you and the baby we-”

“You _have_ to hold her! Here!” Solstice rushed over to a play-pen set up in the corner and scooped the baby out it, cradling her carefully. Her dyed hair- bright pink this time- was all over the place, and she was grinning widely.

I shook my head. “That’s not a very good idea.” _I’ve got weapons on me. I’ve never held a baby before._ “I might drop her or something.”

“You?”

_That was a weak excuse._ I shrugged. “I might. I can’t stay long.”

Solstice frowned. “Of _course_ you can! You’ve been avoiding us since we told you about the baby. I wanna know what you’ve been up to because I’m pretty sure the holo-net’s a bunch of lies.”

_Dangerous. You gotta go._ “Sol, I really can’t stay.”

I reached into my bag and pulled out my box of credits, setting it on the dresser beside the bed. Solstice walked over and opened it, holding her baby one-handed.

“Jazen… I can’t take all this.”

“I can always get more fairly fast. You need them more. You have a family to support. And I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer.”

She looked over her shoulder at me and smiled. “You’re so much like your father.”

I shifted nervously and pulled at my bracelet. “Thanks. I should get go-”

Mason rushed into the room. “You need to hide!”

Solstice jumped. I frowned, clutching absently at my rifle strap.

Mason pointed at me. “You need to hide. Imperials heading this way.”

I nodded and crossed over to the window, sliding it open before slipping outside, cringing as my side stung at the movement. I closed the window one-handed and climbed up to the room, crawling on knees and elbows to the edge of the roof where I could look down. Sure enough, two troop transports were stopping in front of the building. I forced the feeling of dread down. There was no way on to the roof from inside, unless you climbed out the window, and I was one of the only one that’d ever _actually_ managed to do so. I glanced at the building across from it, judging the distance between here and there.

_I can make that jump if I have to. There’s nothing tying me to them._ Two Troopers waited by the transports, the rest of them going inside. Things went quiet for awhile, but I refused to move from where I was. I stayed there for nearly fifteen minutes, then I slid my rifle into sniping position, resting the barrel on the edge of the roof. They had Darrick and Mason, both cuffed while they were led to the transports.

_Where’s Solstice? Maybe she’s-_

“Kid.”

I barely heard it, but I moved towards the sound, staying low. I left my rifle just out of sight. Solstice had her baby in one arm, hanging on to one of the hand-holds with the other. I helped her onto the roof. She looked terrified, but the baby was thankfully quiet. I led her to a spot near the middle of the roof so she could sit up without being easily spotted.

“I hid until they left with Mason and Darrick. I don’t know how the baby’s still quiet. I heard Mace tell them I was out shopping, and-”

I cut her off before her fear caused her to keep rambling. “Wait here, I’m gonna see what I can do about them.”

She nodded, and I crawled back over to my rifle, sighting the nearest Stormtrooper- an officer, from his outfit.

But I felt more uneasy than I had before, unable to place why. The feeling caused my hands to shake a little and I couldn’t steady them. Then I noticed he was holding something. I had barely opened my mouth to warn her when the explosive detonated. Solstice and the baby screamed, and I lunged towards them even as the roof collapsed. I hit something on the way down, then something else, then the ground. My arms were covering my head, and I had curled up when I started falling. Dust and fire was everywhere, but I just scrambled to my feet and pulled my shirt over my mouth.

“Solstice?” I called.

I couldn’t see her. I couldn’t hear the baby. _No. No. No._ I ducked under some debris and started walking, calling for her every few steps. My eyes watered from the smoke despite me trying to stay as low as I could. Another section of the roof collapsed behind me. Then I bumped into something and struggled to catch my balance. Every part of me told me not to look down, but I did.

It was a body face-down on the ground. One of the ceiling beams rested across her, and blood pooled beneath her head. I crouched down and checked for a pulse.

_What are you doing? You know it’s useless. You gotta go._

There wasn’t one. The temperature kept rising, the fires still going. There was a smaller body close by. No pulse. _Even if I could get them both out, there’s nowhere close to bury them._ I crawled out of the building, pausing just long enough to catch my breath and cough, spitting ash out of mouth.

The transports were already gone when I got outside. Surprisingly, my bike had been left alone. I didn’t realize I was crying until I was nearly halfway back to the ship. _Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Shoulda had back up. Or waited. Or left sooner. I shouldn’t have told her to stay in the middle. It’s the weakest point of a roof…_

Questions were thrown my way as soon as I got back, but I ignored them and immediately headed to take a shower, dumping my bag on the floor before tugging my jacket and shirt off. There was already a bruise forming on my back, and my shoulder ached, and the bandage Darrick had wrapped around me was bloody again.

_I look horrible, but Solstice’s body… I should’ve prevented that. And the baby. I should’ve been more careful._

I didn’t feel the cold water, even though my skin was pale when I got out and changed into new clothes out of my bag. _Find Darrick and Mason. Just focus on that._


	9. Work

** Chapter 9: Work **

Kanan’s POV:

We saw the building explode on the holo-net the day after he got back. Jazen did, too, and he groaned, letting his head thud against the table.

“Kriffing probe droids… Of course they had some way to monitor escape roots. Why didn’t I check for that?”

“The girl, did-”

He shook his head without looking up. “Ceiling caved in. Couldn’t move it. If that hadn’t killed her, the smoke inhalation would’ve. Least it was quick.” He stayed like that until Hera shut the holo-net off, then he sighed and straightened up, fishing a notebook out of his bag. It still smelled like smoke from the fire. “Troop transports… Where do you think they’d go with prisoners? Somewhere close. If they’re trying to draw me out, then they won’t go far. Even they know I’ve never gone further than the mid-rim.”

“You sure you don’t want to rest?”

“I have to find Darrick and Mason, Hera.”

“They did finish building a prison Iego a month or so ago,” Sabine offered.

He nodded and wrote that down, along with the other few suggestions he got. He turned the page and switched his pen to his other hand and continued writing.

“I thought you were right-handed,” I commented.

“Nah. I’m both. I tend to write right-handed, but I _can_ use both,” he answered almost absently. “I’ll call in some favors, find prison records for these, find them, and bring them back.”

“There’s a mission coming up that we need you for, but we can-”

“I can do both,” Jazen cut in. “When’s the mission?”

“Today, but you didn’t get much sleep last night. If you want to rest-”

Jazen shook his head and half-smiled at her. “I’m fine. I’ll just multi-task. I’ll go gear up.” He glanced down. “Nevermind. I _am_ geared up.”

Hera still didn’t look convinced, but didn’t press the issue. He was already waiting for us in the _Phantom_ when the rest of us geared up. He didn’t have his bag anymore, but he had slipped on a modified bandolier full of knives, visible because his jacket was unzipped.

“Are those…”

“Throwing knives. I lost my rifle, and it’s been awhile since I used ‘em, so… breaking another pattern.”

“Who taught you how to use those?” Ezra asked.

Jazen shrugged. “Not entirely sure. Just a skill I picked up a couple years ago. I had more knives, but I lost ‘em. What’s this mission about?” He asked as he sat down.

“Stealing med-supplies.”

“And _why_ do you need me?”

“Because. You can get in easier than the rest of us. There’s a vent that leads to the room they’re in, but it’s high up and too small for Ezra.”

Jazen didn’t say anything, and when I glanced back from the controls, he’d slumped forward against the seat belt, arms tucked over his knives.

“Is he sleeping?” I asked.

Ezra poked him, and Jazen didn’t react for once. “Either that or he’s unconscious.”

“Then just… wake him up when we get there. Hope he’s alert enough for a mission.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We didn’t have to wake him up. More than half-way there, he jolted awake on his own. I didn’t see it, but I heard his head hit the wall and the quiet curse that followed it.

“Are you okay?” Sabine asked.

“I’m fine, I’m fine. Are we almost there?”

_That’s probably the most normal thing he’s said._ “More than half-way. Another ten, fifteen minutes.”

“Okay.”

The next ten minutes were quiet, even the walk to the Imperial facility was silent. Jazen stopped us a several yards away from the building.

“What is-”

He didn’t answer, just pointed at the wall after scanning it with his macrobinoculars. “Motion-sensor defenses. Get within twelve feet of ‘em, the alarm and the guns go off. They’re prototypes, though. The sensors don’t over-lap, so if you can stay between the edges of the range, then you’re fine.”

“And how big is that range?”

He held his hands roughly a foot and a half apart. “You know, give or take. I could turn ‘em off from inside, then let you in the room with the supplies. I’ll contact you once I do.”

“You sure you’re up to this?” I asked uncertainly. Dark circles rimmed his eyes.

Jazen nodded. “I’m sure.”

He zipped up his jacket and flipped on the hood, almost blending into the shadows from the setting sun. I lost track of him a few times, until he started up the wall of the building and pried the vent open.

It took two minutes before my comlink beeped. _“They’re off. I’ll have the room unlocked for you.”_

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He wasn’t there when we got into the room.

“Where are you?” Ezra asked.

_“I… I, um, I found something. I’ll meet you in half an hour. Don’t contact me until then, okay?”_ Jazen answered, voice just loud enough to be heard.

_Wonder what that was about._ I thought as we each grabbed supplies. We’d meet Hera later; she was on her own mission. We waited half an hour, and Jazen still wasn’t back. _He’s never late for anything._ Another fifteen minutes had the same result.

“Should we go look for-”

Jazen ran onto the ship before Sabine could finish her question. He didn’t say anything when he sat down and strapped in, and three of his knives were missing. There was a red print on his jaw, along with vaguely hand-shaped red marks around his neck.

“What happened to you?” Ezra asked.

Jazen didn’t answer for nearly a minute. “They’re in prison in the outer rim, but I couldn’t find out where. Darrick and Mason are being held for interrogation. They’re scheduled to be brought back to Lothal soon, for… “ The rest was too quiet to hear, and it took three tries for him to repeat it. “Execution.” He kept his head ducked, twirling a knife in his hand the whole time.

“That’s what you found?”

“...yes.”

_He found something else, too. Something gave him those marks…_ I didn’t press it. The next time I looked back, about ten minutes later, he was sleeping again, the hand with the knife dangling towards the floor.

He woke up when we met up with Hera and docked the ship. He didn’t stop to talk to anyone, just walked straight to our shared room. He’d taken his jacket off and dumped it on the floor when I got there, and he was laying down with his back to the door. His shirt was stained red with blood.

_Why didn’t he tell us he was injured? That looks like a lot of blood. I thought he trusted us more than that._

I was half-tempted to wake him up, but he was sound asleep already, still wearing his bandolier. He hadn’t even come in the room the night before, and only slept a couple hours the day before that. I left him alone and joined the others for dinner.

“He’s hurt.”

Hera followed me back to the cabin. He hadn’t moved at all. Hera saw the blood immediately and slowly reached out to tap him. He didn’t react at all, and she lightly pulled up his blood-stained shirt. There was a loosely wrapped bandage around the cut, but it was soaked with blood. Several bruises surrounded it.

“He didn’t tell us.”

She touched one of the bruises, and Jazen cried out, bolting upright. He jerked his shirt down.

“What the hell?!”

“We tried waking you up, and you were bleeding really badly. We were worried.”

“Why?”

“You joined our team, of course we’re worried. That’s a _lot_ of blood. I just want to help,” Hera answered.

Jazen shrugged. “I’ll replace the bandage and I’ll be fine.”

“It needs stitches.”

“It’s _fine_.” Jazen grabbed his bag off the floor and pulled a bandage out of it, pulling the other one off and wrapping it tightly around himself. “I’m fine.”

_He’s not taking their deaths very well._


	10. Battle

** Chapter 10: Battle **

Jazen's POV:

I waited until they went on another market run, a day after I snapped at her, then slipped out of my bed and dug my medkit out of my bag.

 _She was right. It is a lot of blood. I only made it worse than it was._ Stitching up my own side was difficult, but I _did_ manage it. It wasn't exactly the neatest, but Darrick would take care of it when I found him.

 _He's gonna be pissed. Remember last time he found out you stitched yourself up?_ I almost smiled at the memory. _He was so furious...But he didn't yell._

Chopper rolled in as I was putting everything back in my medkit. He saw the sloppily-done stitches and beeped rapidly at me.

"I know, I know. Hera's gonna be mad at me if she finds out. Or, now that _you_ caught me, _when_ she finds out."

Chopper beeped at me again.

"Nope. I'm smart enough to know when someone's trying to blackmail me. I'm not pranking Zeb for you."

He rolled off, still beeping at me. I was standing up from picking up my dropped medkit when sudden, sharp pain bloomed in my head. I cried out and stayed down.

My ears were ringing.

The pain kept getting worse.

Black spots danced across my vision.

I looked up, struggling to focus both my sight and my thoughts.

Someone was standing in front of me, smirking. _The Inquisitor from the other day. How is he-?_

I blinked, and he was gone. I forced myself to my feet, my hands shaking as I stumbled over to the sink, splashing cold water in my face. I glanced at the mirror, and staggered backwards until I hit the wall. It wasn't my reflection I saw.

"D-Dad?"

It didn't matter how long it had been since I'd seen him; I would never forget his eyes or his hair. I tried not to blink for as long as I could, terrified of him disappearing. His warm brown eyes seemed to make the pain lessen to a dull pulsing. When I had to blink, the image disappeared.

_You're kriffing losing it._

The pain intensified again, and then I wasn't on the _Ghost_ anymore. Wherever I was, it was dark. And cold. I turned around slowly.

"Darrick! Mason!"

They didn't react. Their wrists were cuffed behind them. Mason had a few bruises and minor cuts, but Darrick… His right eye was swollen, and there was a gash on his forehead.

"Darrick!"

Still nothing. _You're hallucinating._

"He'll find us," Darrick said. "I know Jazen will find us. Jazen…"

The scene shifted again, and I was back on the _Ghost_. Everyone was standing around me, and Hera was kneeling beside me, concerned.

"Jazen?"

"Ye-yeah?"

"What happened? We got back, and you weren't responding to us. You were mumbling."

I sat up slowly, wincing as it made my head hurt. Nothing like the pain from before, though. "I guess it's just… not enough sleep and blood-loss or something. I'm fine now." I couldn't help the way my eyes flitted throughout the room.

"Chopper told me you stitched your own side up."

After seeing I was coherent again, everyone but Hera had left.

"You know I wouldn't mind stitching you up. I don't like anyone on my team being hurt."

I forced a smile. "Wouldn't be the first time I've patched myself up… I'm sorry for snapping at you yesterday."

"It's alright. I shouldn't have gotten that close."

"At least I've got more self-control now than I did when Darrick first helped me. When he got that close to me after I woke up, I punched him hard enough to break his nose." She stood up, and I let her help me up. I still felt a little unsteady on my feet.

"You need to sleep, okay?"

I nodded. I _was_ tired. Extrememly so. I headed to my shared room and lie down, unable to lie on my right side because it hurt too badly.

_You know you're gonna have some kind of bad dream when you fall asleep._

_Yeah, but I'm exhausted._

I should've found a way to stay awake.

* * *

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_"Lynx, we have to go!"_

_I pulled on his arm, desperately trying to snap him out of his shock._

_I couldn't drag him; he was a lot stronger than me._

_"Kr-Krista… Zander…"_

_"Down here!" someone yelled._

_I tugged frantically, trying to make him do_ anything _, and I lost my grip and tumbled backwards repeating one of the words I heard Zander use almost daily when I hit the wall._

_That snapped Lynx out of it, and he turned to me, hauling me up. "C'mon."_

_We took off running when the first person appeared in the doorway._

_Footsteps thundered after us._

_The lights in the hall flickered off._

_Lynx's hand slipped from mine._

_I was alone when I was in the light again._

_"Ly-Lynx?" I called, my shaking hand clutching the knife Uncle Conner gave me. I could see where the hall branched off, but I was too scared to go back into the dark on my own. "Lynx!"_

_I was running again when a person appeared at the end of the hall._

_My lungs burned._

_The hall ended at a maintence door._

_Locked._

_I had nowhere to run. I started back the way I had come, and almost ran into the person. I fell when I skidded to a stop, screaming once._

_"Stay away from me!"_

_The person held his hands up. He was dressed like an officer. "You're too young to know what they were doing. I can help you."_

_"You_ killed _them, bastard!" I shot back. That word had come from Lynx, but he wouldn't tell me what it meant. My hand shook wildly; I nearly dropped my knife._

_He came closer; I moved away until my back hit the locked door. Then he leaned down and reached for me._

_I screamed and lashed out blindly with my knife, only opening my eyes when I heard weird gurgling sounds._

_A deep, bloody gash crossed the man's neck._

_I didn't know what I did until the noises stopped._

_I threw up once it sunk in, dropping my knife beside the body. But I hadn't gotten hurt. I protected myself._

_I wasn't helpless anymore._

_And it felt… good._

_Disgustingly, sickengly good._

**_Maybe I can do this._ **

_Lynx came barreling down the hall soon after, calling out my name worriedly. He had a blaster in his hand, which he ditched to hug me._

_He noticed the body after we broke apart._

_"Did you…?"_

_I nodded, pointing the the door. "Can you open it?"_

_He looked from my blood-stained hand to the body, then shrugged and knelt beside the door, fiddling with the lock. "You know, kid, I didn't think you had it in ya."_

_"Me either."_

_"So what now?" Lynx asked once the door was open._

_Why Lynx, who was five years older than me, was asking me was a mystery. "I guess… we go back to Zander's place and go from there?"_

_Lynx looked back at the Imperial complex. "I'll get revenge when I'm bigger. Just you wait, Firecracker. When I'm bigger, they're gonna regret messing with me. You with me?" He held out his hand, waiting._

_I shook it. "Always, Hurricane. Let's go home for now."_

_He looped an arm around my shoulders, and we walked back to Zander's. Lynx cried that night, when he thought I was asleep. Sobbed into his pillow and then trashed part of Zander's place, then just sat there in the middle of the mess, crying into his hands._

_I felt helpless again._

_I didn't know how to make him feel better._

_I wanted to._

_But I knew that nothing really would._

_I saw something change in him that night. He stopped making jokes. He broke into Zander's off-limits cabinet and stole the green bottle Krista put in there. He couldn't stand up right after he drank it._

_And he stopped calling me Firecracker._

_He was gone a week later. Just… took all the creds in the building and left me alone. Actually, truly alone._

_But I wasn't as scared as I thought I'd be._

_I just felt… empty._

_He didn't contact me for three years. And when he did, all the note said was:_

I'm fourteen now. I'm big enough. I'm getting my revenge. Goodbye, Firecracker.

-Hurricane.

_He rigged a Light Carrier to explode after he managed to sneak onto it._

_He was still on it when the explosives went off._

_That was the last time I let anyone call me Firecracker._

_But… I didn't cry. Lynx was hurting. I knew he was. Had been since he lost his cousins. At least they were together again._

_Not even Darrick knew about Lynx._

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up holding my pillow like I'd once held Lynx when he drank and got sick. I put the pillow back and sat up. I was worried about Mason more after remembering Lynx. Mason had lost two people that meant a lot to him, even if he maybe didn't know yet.

I didn't want Mason to end up like Lynx.

_You can't exactly stop him._

"But I can try," I muttered.

And I would try. As soon as I found him. I put everything I needed in my bag and told Hera I was going to talk to someone about prison records. She didn't say much, just told me to be careful. I promised I would and left.

Going alone probably wasn't the best idea.

* * *

_**A/N: I know, it might be confusing. But things** _ **will** **_be explained. I'd like to hear what you think is going on about any part of this. I love reading all of your comments, and will respond to every single one of them. All my readers are crazy important to me._ **


	11. Fatigue

** Chapter 11: Fatigue **

Jazen’s POV:

I was stopped at the door by two people, a boy and a girl, both bigger than me. The girl had tattoos running down both arms.

“Get lost kid. This ain’t a place for-”

I held up my I.D. card, and the boy’s eyes widened a little.

“Back up, Vix.”

_He’s a regular, then. An old regular. She’s new._ They both stepped aside and let me in. The crowd inside was cheering, chanting as two guys attacked one another. I made my way around them, blinking a few times when the colored contacts bothered me.

“Xavier.”

The Keshian looked up and smiled. “Kristos. You finally decided to come back.”

“I need prison records. _Recent_ prison records for these places.” I handed him the list in my notebook.

Xavier looked from me to it. “I dunno. That’s a lot of records to give someone who left without a word after practically _living_ here for almost eight months.”

“You owe me, Xavier. I saved your ass on Christophsis, and saved three of your lackeys from being executed.”

“That was nearly three years ago.”

“You _still_ owe me, Xavier. I nearly drowned trying to save your lackey that last time.”

Xavier shrugged, grabbing a drink from a passing tray. “I don’t know.”

I growled under my breath and grabbed his shirt collar, jerking him down so we were eye to eye. “I am _not_ dealing with this shit. You know damn well I could murder you right here, right now. You’ve seen me fight.”

The cheering had stopped, everyone clustered around us, the match forgotten.

“Unless you want my friends here to attack you, I suggest you let me go.”

“You know I can take ‘em. Half of ‘em are drunk.”

Xavier hesitated, then nodded to someone behind us. I heard the blaster powering up and grabbed his arms by the sleeves, keeping one hand holding his collar as I twisted him around. He didn’t have time to react before I had him totally pinned, my serrated knife against his throat and my other hand keeping his arms pinned, his hands almost between his shoulder blades.

“Blasters down. Hands behind your head. Now,” I snapped. Most of the crowd were regulars and knew me. They’d seen me fight before, and they complied. I locked eyes with Xavier’s second-in-command. “Brentley. I know you know where Xavier keeps the prison records he collects. Go get them. Now.”

“They’re gonna tear you limb from limb, you son of a bitch,” Xavier growled when Brentley rushed off.

“No. They’re not. They _know_ what I can do. I fought here for seven months, remember? And I _never_ lost a match. Brentley knows that better than anyone.” I looked at the man when he walked back in. His nose was crooked, and the scar was still visible on the side of his face where I’d slammed it into the wall in our final match.

Brentley set the folder he’d gotten on the bar beside me. I shoved Xavier into the ground right after and went to grab it. I wasn’t paying attention as I turned around. The next thing I knew, I was being tackled, slamming into the bar.

White hot pain bloomed from both the impact of my chest and the bar and the way it aggravated my already-injured side. I felt something graze the side of my neck. But I grit my teeth and elbowed him in the chest. I whirled and lashed out with my knife seconds later, catching him in the face.

I kept the knife up as he covered the bleeding cut and stumbled away, his free hand up. No one else tried anything. I grabbed the folder and shoved it in my bag. I stepped on something that broke, and I looked down.

_Kriff. How did I not notice he had a damn syringe?_

Whatever was in it was still mostly left inside, judging from the amount of liquid on the floor. At least half of it, anyway. Nobody tried to stop me when I left, throwing my I.D. on the ground outside before I got on my Speeder-bike I’d left close by.

I didn’t start feeling tired until I was about seven minutes away from the fight club. _There’s no way I’ll make it back like this._ My vision was getting fuzzy. I changed direction and headed for my nearest hideout, pulling a tarp over my bike after I parked it behind the building. My hands were starting to shake and it took multiple tries to unlock the door.

I managed to drag the wooden bar down to block the door and pulled down the blinds on the windows, making sure they were secure before I stumbled over to the couch shoved up against the far wall. Luckily, I didn’t dream when I passed out.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up to a voice. It was dark when I pulled back one of the makeshift blinds and looked out.

_“-are you?”_

I rubbed my eyes with one hand while I dug my comlink out of my pocket. “I’m here, I’m here.”

_“Are you okay? We’ve been contacting you for hours.”_ It was Hera.

“I got the prison records I needed, but I got in a bit of trouble. Couldn’t make it back, so I just crashed at one of my hideouts. I’ll be back in half an hour.”

_“Did you get hurt again?”_

“Drugged, but I’m fine now.”

I put my comlink away and checked my side. The stitches had held. I glanced at the punching bag on the other side of the room, then the rope leading to the loft, then the pull-up bar bolted to the bottom of the loft. As much as I wanted to, I’d never be able to focus on the prison records until I managed to clear my head.

_Pull-ups it is._

I shrugged off my jacket and long-sleeved shirt I had on underneath, leaving the purple sleevless shirt on and then fixing a glass of water, which I set on the crate between the bar and the rope. I grabbed the bar in a switch-grip, my left hand closed towards the wall and my right closed towards me. It didn’t hurt my side much.

Ten pull-ups later, the voices in my head had stopped. I’d been ignoring them, but the quiet was a very nice change. I stopped for a few seconds before doing the next set. Another ten had my head totally clear. No worried, panicked thoughts. No paranoia.

Only then did I drop down, drink the water, and start sifting through the prison records I dug out of my discarded jacket. Most of the prisoners had just that, ‘prisoners’ along with some letters or numbers. But I was right. It was on the fifth paper I skimmed.

Whoever had Darrick and Mason definitely wanted to lure me out. Their names were actually listed. Sabine’s guess had been right. They were on Iego.

And their execution was scheduled to be in two days.

I pulled my long-sleeved shirt back on, along with myjacket. It took almost exactly half an hour to get back, counting the few minutes I used to make sure everything was locked or covered at my hideout.

“I know where Darrick and Mason are,” I announced after finding everyone in the common room. “Sabine was right. They’re on Iego, but they’re gonna be brought here for execution in two days.”

Hera and Kanan skimmed the prison record I handed them.

“You do realize they’re-” Kanan started.

“Baiting me. I know, yeah. But I don’t care if I’m walking into a trap. I can’t just let Darrick and Mason be killed for ‘harboring a known insurgent’ or ‘aiding a known insurgent.’: I hesitated, twisting my bracelet around my wrist until it stung a bit. “You don’t have to help me if you don’t want to. I can handle it myself if I need to.”

“Of course we’re going to help,” Hera said.

The others nodded in agreement, Zeb muttering something about them being innocent people, even though he didn’t know them, I told him he was right.

“How do we need to do this?”

She was asking me. Hera was asking me to plan the mission.. “It’ll be easier to rescue them once they’re here,” I decided. “They’re going to need medical attention. There’s going to be guards, obviously, but if the person I think is behind this actually is behind this, then they’ll be focused on _me_ , specifically. I can use that and lead them away while you guys get Mason and Darrick. I’ll shake them, duck into a hideout for a few hours, then meet you somewhere.”

“You want us to leave you there?”

“Just for a little while, Ezra. If I’m right about the person behind it, they’ll want me alive. I won’t be in as much danger as I usually am. I just need to know that you’ll tell me as soon as Darrick _and_ Mason are on board, okay?” I was half asking so I’d know they were safe, and half asking if the plan was alright.

Hera nodded.

“Wait, who do you think is trying to bait you?” Sabine asked.

I twisted my bracelet again. “She’s on the holo-net a lot. Lura Hawke?”

“Why would she be after you?”

“It’s… complicated. She’s sent people after me before, but I guess she finally caught onto the fact that sending greedy, trigger-happy people after me isn’t gonna work.”

I left them to their conversations and took out the brown-colored contacts before heading to bed. Bad dreams or not, I had to have a few hours of sleep a night or I’d be no help to Darrick and Mason.

I dreamed about Dad that night.


	12. Choice

** Chapter 12: Choice **

Jazen’s POV:

The day of the rescue mission, and I’d been wide awake for almost three hours. For once, I wasn’t thinking about what could go wrong. Wasn’t constantly worried about it. Having backup definitely helped calm the anxiety.

“You’ve been pacing for twenty minutes, are you okay?”

I nodded at Ezra. “Just hyper. I’ve gotten too much sleep the past couple days.” _Plus, I had good dreams two nights in a row._ I smiled at the thought. _First time in years I didn’t want to wake up._ Of course, I had been sad when I woke up, and seriously craving Dad’s homemade cookies, but it was better than nightmares.

_Maybe me and Darrick can make cookies when I make sure he’s okay after all this._

_You’re acting like a little kid._

_Yeah, and Darrick calls me kid. He’s always saying I should act my age._

_You’re nearly thirteen. Grow up. You need to focus and get your act together before this mission. Can’t afford to screw up this time._

I sat down, twisting and tugging at my bracelet as the anxiety spiked a bit. (Of course my good mood didn’t last long.) _If I mess up, Darrick might die. Mason might die..._ I shook my head. _It’s not just me this time. I’m not going to have to be responsible for every little thing this time._ But it did little to ease the anxiety. _The plan’s been gone over multiple times, there are back-up plans. It’ll be fine._

_That’s what you said before. And you never saw Lynx again._

“I am _trying_ to be optimistic!” I snapped out loud.

Ezra looked at me weirdly. “Are you...talking to yourself again?”

“Yeah.”

I pulled out one of my pistols and checked over it, mostly due to a lack of something to do. Both pistols were fine, and all my knives were sharpened. I ignored the voice’s worst-case scenarios and focused on fixing my gear. I adjusted my bandolier first, then tightened my belt.

_Darrick’s gonna freak when he sees I’ve lost weight. He won’t let me skip meals when he’s around…_

_Lynx didn’t let you skip meals, either._

_Will you shut up about Lynx? I miss him, but at least he’s not hurting anymore._

_He was like a brother to you and you didn’t even cry._

“We’re ready.”

I nodded at Sabine, glad she’d spoken before my head had a chance to run with that thought.

_What are you gonna do if you lose control, huh? What if you hurt civilians ‘cause you get angry? You’re not strong enough to stay in control._

“Yes I am. I haven’t lost control since Uncle Conner’s death.” I flipped my hood up before we left. Hera’d landed the _Ghost_ as close to the site as she could, and we took our bikes the rest of the way. “It’s not gonna happen today.”

_You can’t just ignore the possibility. What are they gonna think when you lose control?_

_I’m not gonna lose control!_

_This isn’t like your normal missions. There’s a lot at stake here. You’re gonna lose control when it fails. What if Mason dies?_

I tried in vain to stop the thought that followed it, clutching the bike handles until my knuckles went white _._

_What if Darrick dies? You know as well as I do that you’ll never be able to stay in control then. Everything’s gonna go up in smoke._

“Darrick’s not gonna die. I’m not gonna let that happen. And I’m not gonna lose control.”

_Keep telling yourself that._

I forced the voice to the back of my head and hung out at the edge of the crowds milling around the market. Kanan and Sabine stuck together, same as Ezra and Zeb. My guess had been that Darrick and Mason would be separated to some degree, so they’d split up. My jacket went low enough that my pistols were mostly hidden, so I didn’t look too suspicious.

I tucked my hands in my jacket pocket while I waited, twisting my bracelet around my wrist. _It’ll be fine. Just calm down. Focus and stay alert._

I heard them before I saw them. Troop transports- well, prisoner transports as it was- rumbling into the marketplace; the crowd dispersed to let them through. I slipped closer to where they stopped, noting that the crowd didn’t seem to know what was going on.

As I’d thought they would, the civilians gave the transports a wide berth. _Perfect._ I glanced at Kanan and waited until he nodded once before sidling over to one of the speeder-bikes, that had been escorting the transport, when nobody was paying attention to me. I carefully set the bomb from my jacket underneath the bike. I moved away from it and waited, carefully holding the remote detonator in my pocket. Mason was dragged into the market first, hands cuffed behind him. From what I could see, he was unhurt for the most part. He looked around for a few seconds then ducked his head.

_He’s given up. He doesn’t think he’s gonna make it,_ I realized when I noted that he didn’t resist at all, in contrast with how he’d usually be cussing and doing everything he could to get free, and that his shoulders slumped.

_Like Lynx right before he left you._

I grit my teeth at the voice and pushed it away.

Darrick was being dragged out when I refocused. He definitely _hadn’t_ given up. He wasn’t resisting, either, but he didn’t like hurting _anyone_ , Imperial or otherwise. He scanned the crowds present, searching for something. I ducked my head. As much as I wanted him to know that I was there to help him, I didn’t want him to give any of us away, and he would be able to easily recognize me and he’d be happy I showed up. Darrick sucked at keeping his emotions hidden.

They were taken to opposite sides of the market, Darrick on the same side the transports had entered from. Kanan and Sabine were on that side, and I saw them edging closer to where he was. Ezra and Zeb did the same on the other side. The guards not with Mason or Darrick- two each- were keeping the crowd under control, though many of them looked afraid.

I detonated the explosive at the same time I unzipped my jacket so I could access my bandolier. People screamed as the bike exploded, and I rushed the nearest Trooper, tackling him and hearing his blaster skid away. I was on my feet as several more of the guards turned towards me.

My pistols were up before the other guards’, and I took out five of them before they’d raised their weapons, careful not to take a shot that I didn’t know for sure was a clean one. I was running by the time they started firing at me, zig-zagging my way through to crowds. I glanced at Mason first, saw Ezra and Zeb helping him out of the area after taking out his guards while the Troopers’ attention was focused solely on me.

I looked back as well, and was able to see Kanan and Sabine shoot Darrick’s guards. They slipped away, too. I shot an Imperial officer without stopping, cussing minutes later when more Troopers showed up. _Already called for reinforcements…._ A lot of the crowd had disappeared, probably hiding somewhere.

My side burned as I kept running. I skidded to a stop and pivoted, watching Troopers fall with each shot I took. _Seven, eight, nine, ten._ I may have hated that it did, but it honestly felt good to see them fall. I’d taken down the majority of the Troopers, but there were still more.

And I hadn’t even dealt with the problem I hadn’t mentioned to the others.

_Time to go. Now._

I darted down a large space between buildings and stopped when I saw him. The Inquisitor from awhile back. _She hadn’t been lying._

_You knew she wasn’t._

“You must be stupid if you fell for this,” he said.

I didn’t respond. My pistols were useless against him; throwing knives too. He didn’t have his lightsaber out. I held my hands up. “I can’t beat you. I give.”

He walked closer, and I lunged at him when he was close enough, but he was ready for that and threw his hand up. I cried out when I hit the wall, my head starting to throb almost immediately. Fresh pain shot up my side as I was picked up again when I stood, his hand still up as I was pinned against the wall.

“Did you honestly think that would _work_?”

I heard its engines first and then looked up, seeing the _Ghost_ flying away. And I smiled at the inquisitor. “Nope. You must be stupid if you didn’t realize I was buying time.” I couldn’t help saying it. Antagonizing them wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but the angrier you got, the more likely to make a mistake you were.

I saw his eyes darken, and then I felt like I was being choked again, but this time it wasn’t her hands wrapped around my throat. I clawed at nothing, but tried to keep my body as still as possible otherwise. Thrashing used up oxygen faster.

“I could kill you now, but my orders are to bring you in alive. Someone wants to talk to you.”

I honestly didn’t care that I was going to prison again. Or that I would _have_ to speak with Lura again. Or that my vision was going dark. Darrick was safe. Mason was safe.  _I hope Darrick doesn't feel guilty about me getting caught. It was my choice._  I’d be fine with whatever happened to me next. 

I blacked out.

* * *

**_A/N: I'd love to hear anyone's thoughts on the story so far, and will reply to every comment as soon as possible._ **


	13. Missing

** Chapter 13: Missing **

Kanan’s POV:

Darrick treated the couple injuries he had that needed it and was packing the things back in the medkit. Mason refused to talk to any of us. Darrick thanked us for them both, then noticed that Jazen wasn’t around.

“Where’s Jazen?” Darrick asked.

“He’ll meet with us in a while. He wanted to make sure the Stormtroopers didn’t follow us, so he lead them off somewhere,” Hera answered.

“By himself? Well, that’s normal… at least he isn’t hurt this time.”

“Actually… He kind of is,” I responded. “He had a pretty bad cut on his side, but he stitched it up.”

Darrick rolled his eyes. “Of _course_ he did. I’m gonna have to double check that, then. I know the kid didn’t treat it properly. He never does. He’s probably gonna have more injuries anyway.”

“How long have you known him?” Hera asked.

“I was friends with his father, so I’ve kinda known him since he was a baby. But there’s a space where he kinda just… disappeared… between knowing him when he was little and then meeting him again… two years ago. Nearly three, I think.”

“He doesn’t talk about his father.”

Darrick nodded. “I know. He hardly talks about Daniel with me.” Darrick smiled. “They’re a lot alike, actually. Especially now that Jazen’s getting older.”

“Jazen did say his dad fought like he does. I’m assuming that’s true?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

“Did you know that he... “ Hera trailed off.

Darrick nodded slowly. “Not at first. I mean, Daniel was my friend, but we were both busy people, and we sorta stopped contacting one another. I didn’t know he was gone until Jazen told me a couple years ago. I’d guessed as much, but that confirmed it.”

“How did you guess it?” I asked.

“Because of how I found Jazen the first time I patched him up,” Darrick replied. “Daniel wouldn’t have let Jazen get hurt that bad, or at all, if he could help it. And he wouldn’t have willingly left Jazen alone like that.”

“You sound positive,” I stated.

Darrick shrugged. “I _am_ positive. I once saw Daniel knock three people out just because they _scared_ Jazen. They didn’t hurt him, just grabbed him and ended up making him cry, but Daniel went ballistic _._ Took three of us to drag him off those guys, too.”

“Scared? Jazen?”

Darrick half-smiled. “Yes, Kanan. Jazen gets scared just like everyone else. He’s just really good at controlling his fear. Besides, he was a little kid back when that happened. Of course he was scared.” Darrick looked up when someone walked in, then focused back on us when he saw it was Ezra getting something to eat.

“You worry about him, don’t you?” Hera asked.

“Yup. I know he can handle himself in a fight a lot better than I ever could, but still… it’s dangerous. And he’s so stubborn when it comes to letting his injuries heal properly before getting back in there.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Darrick didn’t start getting worried until it got dark out and Jazen still hadn’t turned up. “He should’ve been back by now, right?”

“He may have just gotten caught up in something. He’s done that before,” Hera offered.

Trying to contact him was useless. Not even _static_.

“I’m sure he’ll be back in the morning.”

“He better be.”

Darrick got really worried when the sun came up and Jazen hadn’t showed up. Pacing, checking every few minutes to see if he was back.

“He may just be… waiting or something. I’m sure he’s ok-”

Darrick sighed. “He would’ve contacted me. He knows I worry when he does things like this, so he always contacts me to tell me he’s alive.”

“Give him a few more hours,” I suggested. I was starting to worry, too, but not as much as Darrick was.

“A few more hours?! I might have a heart attack worrying about him that long. I could go check his hideouts. I know where they are, at least the ones here. If he’s hurt, he may not be able to get here…”

“Hideouts? He has more than one?” Hera asked.

Darrick was already grabbing a medkit and his jacket off the counter. “Three, I think. It shouldn’t take long. I’ll contact you if he’s not there.” Then he hesitated. “Would you mind, maybe, keeping an eye on Mason? He’s not coping very well. I don’t want him to do something rash.”

“Sure.”

“Good.”

Darrick left.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_“He’s not here. All of his hideouts… they’re empty. Please tell me he showed up there.”_

“He didn’t. But… there is something you need to see,” Hera answered, glancing at the paused broadcast we had been watching.

It took less than half an hour for him to get back. He had another jacket in his arms, that one splattered with bright-colored paint, and a backpack over one shoulder.

“What is. . .” he trailed off when he noticed the frozen image. “No. Kid…” Darrick’s grip on the jacket tightened. “We have to get him back. We’re not just gonna leave him there, right?”

“Of course not,” Hera assured him.

“That’s karma.”

We all turned around at the voice. Mason was standing just inside the common room’s door, staring coldly at the broadcast.

Darrick frowned. “Mason, what are you… You’re not saying he _deserves_ that-” Darrick pointed at the image of Jazen, unconscious and chained to a wall- “are you?”

“You know better than anyone the things that ‘kid’ has done. The things he _caused_ ,” Mason snapped.

“You blame him for what happened to Solstice and the baby.”

“Yeah. He was on that roof, too. He ain’t dead, but my _wife_ and child are. Convenient.”

Hera and I watched, not sure what to say to either of them. Darrick’s hold on the jacket tightened again.

“I understand that you’re upset about what happened, but I can promise you that Jazen would’ve done anything he could to try to help them.”

“Because he cares _so_ much when he’s shooting Imperials all day.”

“That’s different. You’re important to him. He wouldn’t want you to go through this if he could’ve done anything about it,” Darrick said. “You know what they’re gonna do to him. You can’t honestly think the kid deserves it.”

Mason didn’t respond to that. “Stop pretending you care about him that much. He’s not _your_ kid. Or your problem.”

“Pretending? I’m _not_ pretending. I know he’s not family. But I couldn’t just _leave_ him there, the day I found him. I couldn't help Daniel, but the least I could do for my friend is help the kid as much as I can. He's not the same person he was a long time ago, but he's still only twelve. I  _do_  care."

“So did Daniel. And Conner. You seeing the same pattern I’m see-”

“Shut up, Mason,” Darrick cut in. “What happened to Daniel and Conner was _not_ Jazen’s fault! He was too young for it to have been his fault.”

“Why did Daniel stop keeping a blaster on him all the time? Why did Conner start making more money? Daniel was worried his kid would get hurt. Conner had to take care of the kid.”

“Think whatever the hell you want. But if I hear you say that crap around Jazen, I’ll hurt you. He already beats himself up about it. I won’t let you make it worse.”

The few times I’d seen him, I’d never seen Darrick mad. Darrick glared at Mason for a second then turned away as Hera switched off the projection.

“How do we find him?”

* * *

_**A/N: Lots of dialogue in this chapter. It's a little shorter than the recent chapters, but... thoughts?** _


	14. Family

** Chapter 14: Family **

Jazen’s POV:

I hated her voice. Hated that disapproving look on her face. Hated that I _looked_ like her, even a little, when her hair wasn’t dyed brown like it had been last time I went to prison.

“I tried to warn you. But you just don’t listen, do you?” Lura sighed, as if it really bothered her. “You could’ve avoided this, if you had listened to me.” She waved at the chains around my wrists and the one locked around my ankle. When I still didn’t answer, she sighed again. “Son.”

“ _Don’t_ call me that,” I snapped.

“You’re not in the position to demand things. Figures Daniel never taught you to respect your elders.”

I scoffed. “He taught me more than you.”

“It’s sad, really. You had so much potential. You would’ve made a great Imperial. Been part of a family.”

“I had a family. We were perfectly okay.”

Lura shrugged. “If you think someone as unstable as Daniel was ‘perfect…’”

_Here we go again._ “Even if Dad was unstable-” _Which he wasn’t!_ But I didn’t say that. As much as I wished it was true, I couldn’t be sure. “-at least he was there. At least he tried to raise me.”

“He took you into bars.”

“He worked there, during the day. Before they sold alcoh-Wait. How do you know that?” I didn’t wait for a response. “Have you seriously been stalking me since I was little?!” I grabbed the chains tightly, needing to focus, needing something to help keep my head clear. Talking to myself would only make her think she was right.

“Daniel wouldn’t let me near you.” Lura walked over to me, just barely touching the bruise on my jaw, making it hurt just enough to bother me. ( _How the hell did that bruise get there, anyway?_.) I jerked away. “He said I was unstable. He thought I would hurt you.”

“And he was right,” I muttered. “Don’t try to deny it. You tried to strangle me.” Almost painfully aware of the bruises she’d left on my neck, I shook my head. “And you broke a bottle over my head once.”

“I didn’t recognize you. You looked like-”

I met her gaze at that. “Like I’d been on my own for a year with next to no idea what I was doing?”

She was about to answer, when someone called to her from outside, and she left with a man I only caught a glimpse of as the door shut. For awhile, I occupied myself by running through lists of the different types of weapons I knew, but eventually the I started feeling drowsy. Even with the two good dreams I had, I’d only gotten about ten hours the past three days, not counting the time I was knocked out on the way to the complex.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_I was home._

_But… it didn’t seem cold like it had the last time I was there._

_There wasn’t any blood on the walls._

_No Imperial bodies on the ground._

_My ridiculous finger-paintings tacked onto the wall._

_Dad walked into the living room, eyes bright._

_Alive._

_It’s not real. Just a hallucination._

_The door behind me opened; I turned around._

_And stared at myself._

_The other me looked a kind of strange to me, the hair cut neatly and brushed, not long enough to cover the eyes, bright-colored shirt and shorts._

_Scarless._

_Weaponless._

_Grinning widely._

_I watched the other me walk over and hug Dad, wishing I could feel Dad’s arms around me again._

_Wishing I felt safe._

_It’s. Not. Real. Dad is dead. This can never be. You’re scarred all over. This will never happen._

_But I wanted it. As the scene started to change, shifting to a memory, I tried desperately to stay where I was. Seeing Dad alive again…_

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_“I want the spaceship!”_

_Daddy, with one arm full of the things he’d bought, scooped me up. “We can’t afford the toy spaceship.”_

_“But I want it!” I screamed._

_Daddy didn’t respond, and I pouted in his hold._

_“I want it!” I repeated, louder._

_“When you’re ready to speak to me nicely, we can talk.”_

_I didn’t talk again._

_When he set me down to buy something else, I waited until he wasn’t looking._

_I ran away from him and into an alley with big mud puddles._

_He’s being mean…_

_Jumping in the mud did not make me smile._

_Not at all._

_I heard Daddy calling me, but I didn’t answer._

_Mean!_

_Then Daddy ran into the alley I was in._

_He dropped the things he’d bought and grabbed me off the ground, hugging me so tight I almost couldn’t breathe._

_I forgot I was mad._

_He was crying._

_Daddy didn’t cry._

_Ever._

_“Jay, baby, you’re okay.”_

_“Why you crying?” I asked._

_Daddy looked at me, then patted my back. “I was scared, sweetheart. Never run away from me like that. You could get hurt.”_

_He picked up the things he had dropped, my head on his shoulder._

_I’m sleepy._

_“Let’s go home, darling. It’s been a long day.” Daddy laughed quietly when I hid my face in his neck, groaning. “Looks like I have a  sleepy baby.”_

_“Not a baby,” I whined._

_“Sleepy little boy, then. You can go ahead of go to sleep. I gotcha.”_

_I fell asleep in a few minutes, Daddy holding me steady with one hand._

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

The cell door opening startled me awake. The Inquisitor walked in, a knife in his hand. His eyes were blue like Ezra’s, but I could see malice in the Inquisitor’s eyes.

“Hard to believe a little kid could be such a nuisiance.”

“I ain’t telling you shit,” I said, knowing what he was going to try.

He sighed and flicked his wrist. My head thudded against the wall once, but I refused to cry out.

“I’d advise you to _think_ before you speak, or you’ll be dead before morning.” He crossed over to stand just in front of me. “I’m going to ask you some questions, and you’re _going_ to answer. If you lie to me…” I wouldn’t swallow when the knife’s blade pressed against my throat. “... you get cut.”

He didn’t move until I nodded as much as I dared.

He smiled coldly. “Let’s get started then, Jazen Layne.”

Hearing that he knew my middle name- _No one knows my middle name. Not even Darrick!-_ was… unsettling. For the first time in awhile, I felt… scared of what was going to happen to me.


	15. Fear

** Chapter 15: Fear **

Jazen's POV:

"Getting annoyed?" I asked.

After I'd either ignored or given a smart-ass answer to his questions, he'd ended up very frustrated. The knife was still in my shoulder. I had about a dozen cuts on my arms and legs, and three on my already-injured side. The worst one was on my leg, just below my knee and bleeding fairly badly. I had also gotten one of my teeth knocked out when I'd tried to bite him.

He glared at me. "You little… " Then he stopped and seemed to calm down immediately. "Physical pain obviously isn't going to work with you."

_As if he can-_

"You're going to die here."

_I know._

"And so are those friends of yours. When they come looking for you."

_Karabast. Focus. No fear._

_They're not that stupid. They won't come for you._

_They better not._

"But I suppose you're used to that by now. People have tried to save you before. And how did that work out for them? They died. Took blaster shots and knives just so you could run away and hide like the scared little brat you are."

_He's right. You know he's right._

"Shuttup," I hissed, unsure if I was talking to him or the voice in my head.

"You can deny it all you like. They would leave you anyway, if they were still around. All of them."

"No, they wouldn't."

"You really think they'd still care about you if they knew? Knew everything you've  _done_? Things you've caused? You think those Rebels would want you around if they knew how messed up your really were?"

I didn't respond.  _No. I don't. That's why they don't know. Well, not all of it._

"Wonder what your father would think of the things you did. His sweet little boy… an assassin, of all things. He wouldn't care about you. Especially after what happened the night he was killed."

_I don't remember what happened after Dad got shot. What is he talking about?_  The confusion must have shown, because the Inquisitor tilted his head.

"You don't remember. Pathetic." He went quiet for a minute. "Yet you remember what he said to you that night. His last words. But you didn't know they'd be his last words. You didn't understand the concept of death."

_Okay, this guy is all over the place._

But that honestly freaked me out even more. He wasn't predictable. I wasn't sure what he would do. My heart rate sped up. Memories of Dad's death flashed through my head in bits and pieces.

_Your fault. It was your fault._

The voice wasn't the normal voice I heard. It sounded like…

Like Dad.

_You're the reason why I didn't have a weapon to defend myself._

_Dad wouldn't say that. Dad loved me. The Inquisitor's just messing with your head somehow. Focus._

When I tensed, fresh pain erupted where the knife was in my shoulder. It snapped me back to reality.

"I'm not allowed to kill you yet."

"That makes me feel  _much_  bett-kriffing hell!"

Sudden, unbearable pain flared. My head throbbed and the room spun. I might have screamed. I couldn't  _think_. Random memories flickered and faded almost too fast to comprehend. I could feel someone forcing their way through my memories.

_Being dragged into frigid water._

_Thrown through a window._

_Seeing Solstice's panicked face when the roof caved in._

_Her body._

_Uncle Conner with a knife sticking out of his throat._

_Lynx sobbing his heart out over his cousins' deaths._

_Dad laying in a pool of his own blood._

_Lifeless eyes._

_Fight after fight at Xavier's._

_Dragging myself back up every time I was knocked down._

_Cheering crowds._

_Louder with every hit._

_Darrick helping me after my final match._

_Giving me warm blankets and promises._

_Gently treating every single injury._

_A place to sleep._

_No questions asked._

_Kind and patient._

_Trustworthy._

_Lura laughing when I finally found her._

_Screaming at me for showing up._

_The bottle shattering over me._

_Apologizing within a week._

_'I was drunk.'_

_Hollow promises._

_'Son.'_

The worst of the pain stopped abruptly, but everything was still spinning. My heart threatened to beat its way out. Trembling in fear. Completely, utterly terrified.

He'd just seen the things that hurt me most.

Seen the most important person I had left.

Everything that made me  _vulnerable._

My chest heaved. I could hardly breathe. My head still hurt. Fighting back tears. I dry heaved over and over. Nothing to throw up. I didn't register the knife being pulled out of my shoulder, tearing the wound even more. Didn't notice the door opening and the Inquisitor leaving.

"Da-ad."

I needed him. Dad had to come make it better because I couldn't stop crying and heaving and it hurt too much to ignore. He could make it all better.

_He's dead. He's dead._

"Da-arrick."

Darrick would help. He wouldn't ask why. Warm blankets to keep the cold away. Because he understood that I hated the cold. He understood I didn't want to tell him why. I was safe with him.

_He'll die if he comes here. Suck it up._

_But I can't!_

I was crying harder than I had in years. I couldn't get it under control.

_You weak, pathetic, little kid._

"SHUT UP!"

Yelling because the voice was right. It was always right.

I knew I was officially going crazy when a song Dad used to sing popped into my head amidst all the chaos and tremors and gasping.

_Do you wanna go to Heaven tonight?_

Dad's voice again. Gentle like it had been when he'd sing while he cooked or did work around the house. I was still unable to breathe properly, and I knew I was just imagining it, but I could've sworn I saw Dad standing there for half a second as the singing went on.

_We can leave everybody else behind._

_Do you wanna see Heaven tonight?_

Again, I saw Dad standing there with me. My breathing was calming slowly.

_Do you wanna see the stars before they fall?_

I was defintely imagining Dad brushing my hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear like he'd done when I was little. I could almost breathe again. My head wasn't hurting anymore.

_Nothing matters ever since the day I pulled the pin on my heart like a hand grenade._

Dad's favorite song to sing. Surprising that I remembered even some of the words. I was still shaking a little, but I'd managed to catch my breath.

_Do you wanna see the stars before they fall?_

_Fall out of the atmosphere._

_Let's run; run until we disappear._

_And never let them come and catch us._

_Never let them take away our stars._

One last time, I saw Dad standing in the cell. I could even make out the rainbow bracelet on his wrist when the hallucination reached towards me. Its touch almost felt real.

_My little Jay._

Then the hallucination was gone. Things were quiet. I wasn't panicking anymore. I still felt vulnerable after what happened, and I was tired after the panic attack, but I felt a bit better. I didn't care about the blood oozing from the cuts.

If going crazy meant I could see Dad…

I didn't mind.

* * *

_**A/N: I told myself no more staying up and writing chapters until one a.m.** _

_**I don't listen to myself.** _

_**Anyway... Thoughts on this chapter? Also, can anyone guess the song 'Daniel' was singing?** _

_**Disclaimer: I don't own that song, and I skipped some lyrics while I typed it.** _


	16. Safety

** Chapter 16: Safety **

Darrick’s POV:

“It might be a trap.”

“But it might be real,” I argued. “Kanan, we have to at least check this out. If you guys won’t, then I will.”

“We’re going to see. If he’s there…” Hera paused. “Maybe you should stay on the ship with me.”

“No.”

Kanan spoke next. “After what happened to Solstice, and how that affected him… I’ve already noticed he’s very protective of you. If you got hurt-”

“I understand that, but… I’m sick of sitting back and _waiting_ for him to come stumbling in, bleeding and exhausted. Besides, knowing his tendency to piss people off, he’s more than likely gonna need immediate care.”

“It would hurt him more if something happened to you. Zeb and I know enough about treating injuries to take care of anything immediate. Then we can bring him to you to take care of the rest.”

I thought it over. “He won’t let anyone but me treat his injuries. Even if he’s in a lot of pain… I’m the only one he trusts enough to do that.”

“Sneaking into a prison like that isn’t exactly the easiest thing to do. It’s really dangerous,” Hera pointed out.

“I know that, but it’s been two weeks of worrying that the next thing on the holo-net is gonna be his death. I’ll be careful, but I _am_ going with you.”

“You’re starting to sound like Jazen,” Kanan said.

I shrugged. “It was bound to rub off on me eventually. But, you haven’t seen the worst of his stubbornness. You should try giving the kid vaccinations.”

“How hard could that be?” Hera asked.

“He kicked me in the knee- _while_ he was wearing combat boots- and tried to escape out the window,” I retorted. “Kid thought I was gonna drug him or something.” I was rambling a bit from being nervous and worried. There was nothing I could do until we knew if he was being held on Iego or not, and I _hated_ having to wait. “I keep thinking about how bad he’s hurting. I want him to be alive, but, if they haven’t killed him yet, then they’ve been torturing him for two weeks. I don’t like seeing _anyone_ suffer, but it’s so much worse when it’s him.”

Hera nodded. “I understand, but he’s a strong kid.”

“I know, but I also know he has a habit of pretending he’s not as injured as he is, egging people on unintentionally, then ending up getting hurt even more. Runs in his family.”

“His dad did things like this?” Kanan asked.

“Yeah. His uncle was worse though. He was legitimately insane. He was the one coming up with the stupid ideas. Daniel was crazy enough to go through with ‘em. And guess who ended up patching those two idiots up after their stupid stunts?”

“Is that why you helped Jazen? Because you were friends with his family?” Hera asked.

I shook my head. “That wasn’t even part of why I helped him. I helped the kid because he was- he _is_ just a kid, and he was hurt. I didn’t recognize him until I’d already decided on helping him.”

“You didn’t recognize him? He seems pretty hard not to recognize.”

“Daniel used to keep his hair cut. It hadn’t been cut for a long time when I found him. Couldn’t see the kid’s face. And he was just… he didn’t seem to trust anything I said. He tried to bite me when I tried to touch him, and that’s when I figured out who he was. He looked frightened. Ready to bolt, but in too much pain to run.” I sighed. “Nothing like the kid I used to know.”

“He trusts you now,” Kanan pointed out.

I half-smiled. “Wasn’t easy to get there. The first time I helped him, he tried to sneak out through the window when I wasn’t in the room. Nearly impossible to talk him into coming back inside and getting some water. Promised him he could leave afterwards. Gave him a medkit, and told him he could come back next time he was hurt. He was back a couple weeks later. Started talking to me after a month. After that, it was just a matter of making and keeping promises.”

“Promises?” he asked.

“Just small promises, at first. Like promising I’d only do exactly what I’d told him when he was hurt. He has a cut on his arm? I clean it and bandage it. Nothing else. I don’t ask what happened. Then bigger things. Promising that he was safe to sleep on the couch or in the guest room.”

“How did you know he trusted you?” Hera questioned curiously. She wanted to know.

“He woke up at my place and came downstairs. _Without_ _his_ _weapons_. Knives, pistols, his rifle. He left all of it upstairs. He trusted me enough that I wouldn’t hurt him.”

“He could defend himself without weapons,” Kanan said.

I nodded. “I’m aware of that, but he… he prefers having weapons of some kind. It makes him feel safer. Especially around people much bigger than him. He likes to even the odds, basically. Except for at Xavier’s.” I shuddered at the thought. That place…

“Xavier’s? What’s that?”

I shuddered again at her question. “A fight club. Members-only matches. _Cage_ matches. People bet on ‘em. It’s… it’s barbaric.”

“Jazen bet on fights?” Hera asked.

“No. He competed. Guys twice his size. Two-on-one matches. Three-on-one, once. Weapons weren’t allowed.”

“How is he not… how is he still alive at this point?”

I shrugged. “Luck. A _lot_ of luck. And skill. He doesn’t fight there, anymore. He promised me he’d stop.”

“You took his word for it?”

“Yes. I followed him, ‘cause he always came back hurt. Good thing I did. He probably would’ve been killed if I wasn’t there to drag him out. I am _never_ going back there. And neither is he.”

“He lost?” Hera asked.

“No. He won. The other guy cheated, and he was out-numbered, but he still won. They were waiting for him to walk out. He was hurt. Almost couldn’t walk, actually. And they were ready to murder him. So I walked him out. Pretended I was his guardian, that I was with the Empire, and took him to my house. I made him promise when he woke up that he would never go back there. He trusts me to keep my promises. I trust him to keep his promises.”

“We’ll be there soon. A droid would have the prisoner records. If Jazen’s there, we can plan a way to break him out.”

I nodded. “Yeah. You know the worst thing about all this… He had to spend his birthday in pain. His thirteenth birthday and he’s alone and hurting.”

“You know when his birthday is?”

I nodded again. “That’s why I made him the rifle in the first place. It was a birthday present. His tenth birthday happened to fall in the time he started to trust me, and I knew I couldn’t keep him from fighting. Figured a rifle would at least keep him away from the worst of it.”

“You gave him an expensive rifle without a stun setting to try and protect him?” Hera asked.

I held up my hands. “I couldn’t stop him. I _can’t_ stop him. He doesn’t like people to protect him. Hates it, in fact. The rifle was my compromise. I back off and stop hovering and fretting over him, he gets a safer way to fight.”

“He thinks he can always protect himself?” Hera asked.

“He wasn’t always that way. But, after everything that happened, to his dad and his uncle and stuff, he got scared of people trying to protect him. That’s why I don’t want Mason saying those things to him. He already feels that way.”

“Have you heard from Mason?” Kanan asked.

We had taken Mason to his parents’ home on Garel a week into Jazen’s capture. He hadn’t even said goodbye to _me._ “He’s… angry. Upset. Which is completely understable, but it just… He didn’t mean the things he said. He _knows_ Jazen wouldn’t do anything to hurt Solstice or the baby. Mason just needs time to deal with things. Hopefully, by the time he starts feeling better, Jazen will be on the road to recovery. I’ve been rambling for awhile, haven’t I? Sorry. I talk a lot when I’m worried.”

“Jazen said you did,” Hera responded, glancing outside. “Exiting hyperspace.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Having a blaster with me didn’t help the rescue mission much. My hands trembled almost enough to make me drop the pistol I had found in Jazen’s backpack. _How does the kid do this all the time?!_ It was nerve-racking.

But nothing was worse than when we- me, Kanan, and Zeb. Ezra and Sabine were on stand-by with Hera- actually reached the cell Jazen was being kept in.

Blood was the first thing I noticed.

On the ground and on his clothes and even in his hair.

He didn’t look up when the door opened and we stepped inside.

“Kr-kriff off.”

“Jazen…” I couldn’t figure out what to say. He sounded so weak… His cough sounded even worse. Blood splattered his clothes as he coughed. He barely reacted when I crossed over to him. “Can you get that chain off?” I asked, pulling up the tattered remains of Jazen’s shirt to take care of one of the worst cuts. The cut I had already treated before all this happened had re-opened. It was much worse than it had been.

Jazen groaned at the disinfectant I applied to the injury, finally lifting his head. His eyes were hazy and unfocused, but cleared some when he blinked a few times.

“Da… Da-” he coughed again, and I winced at the sound.

_Of course he wants Daniel at a time like this._

“Da’ick. Darrick?”

I nodded as Kanan got the chain off his ankle. “Yeah. It’s me. Gonna get you out of here and patch you up.”

“N’ safe.”

“I promise you’ll _be_ safe once we get you out of here,” I assured him.

Jazen shook his head; I moved on to one of the other worst wounds, a similar cut on his leg.

“You’re… you’re no-ot s-safe.”

“Don’t worry about me, kid.” I stood up, shoving the excess bandages back in the bag I’d brought with me. He tried to stand, too.

And half-screamed as his right leg gave out beneath him. I barely managed to catch him. He sagged against me, his entire body shuddering when he coughed.

“D-damn.”

His right leg was definitely one of the worst injuries he had. It looked broken, aside from the bleeding cuts and the fairly deep gash going from just below his knee to a little above his ankle. I’d tied a bandage- more of a make-shift tourniquet- just below his knee, and that helped slow the bleeding, but…

“I’m sorry. This is going to hurt.” I picked him up, cringing when he cried out. _He’s lost weight._ He spit out more blood and moaned quietly. “I’m sorry.”

He was almost completely limp in my arms. His breathing was ragged, matted hair falling away from his face. I followed Zeb as quick as I could, Kanan following me.

I glanced down when I felt Jazen grab my shirt. “Do-on’t l-lea-leave me.” He coughed out more blood. “Pl-please.”

He looked so _scared_. Just like he’d looked the day I found him… “I’m not leaving you. I promise.”

Jazen visibly relaxed at that. I hardly noticed the Imperials getting shot around us, but I _did_ notice Jazen’s eyes fluttering shut, soft whimpers of pain slipping out between him spitting out blood.

He was unconscious when we got back to the _Ghost._ Getting him to the ship was only the first step. His injuries were still more serious than any of the other ones I’d treated. The next step wouldn’t be any easier than the first.

But I was _not_ going to let Jazen die. And I wasn’t going to leave him.

* * *

**_A/N: I'm baaaaaaaccccccckkkkkk! Sorry for the wait, but here's a 2,005 word chapter for my lovely (or handsome, or whatever term you would prefer) readers. Also, please check out_ ** _[www.quotev.com/424064009 ](https://www.quotev.com/424064009%C2%A0) **She's one of my best friends IRL, and her stories are pretty good. It would mean a lot to her to have readers other than me.** _

_**Last note, I have DeviantArt. I am only posting art on DeviantArt. OCs, story art, etc. Link:** [lostcommander13.deviantart.com/](https://lostcommander13.deviantart.com/) _

_**Feedback is welcome and appreciated. Bye!** _


	17. Drifting

** Chapter 17: Drifting **

Jazen’s POV:

_I rubbed my eyes, wiping away the tears. Uncle Conner was snoring loudly._

**_He's not happy when you wake him up._ **

_I couldn't stop the sob coming out when the nightmare went through my head again. I tried to stay quiet, but Uncle Conner still rolled over and opened his eyes at the noise. I couldn't really see, but the hall light helped me see a little bit._

_"Wha' is it, kid?" he asked tiredly. I didn't answer, just held my stuffed animal closer. He sighed. "This whole not talking to me thing's gotta stop, Jazen."_

_I looked down, cuddling my stuffed animal while I cried._

_Uncle Conner sighed again and lifted one side of the blanket. I hesitated._

**_What if he's mad at me?_ **

_"Kid, I got work in a few hours. You comin' or not?"_

_I crawled in beside him. Uncle Conner didn't hold me at all, just rolled over and went back to sleep, but... it was better than sleeping all alone. He was snoring again. After about ten minutes, I heard something outside. Thunder._

**_I hate thunder._ **

_I tried to ignore it. I really did. But then it got louder, and I screamed and scrambled on top of Uncle Conner, one arm wrapped around him, the other holding my stuffed animal while I whimpered and whined._

_Uncle Conner groaned. "Don't tell me you're scared of thunder."_

_I stayed quiet until there was another rumble outside, then I screamed and buried my head against Uncle Conner's chest._

_"It's three in the morning, kid. Thunder's just a buncha noise. It can't hurt you."_

_When I kept crying softly and whining every time I heard thunder, Uncle Conner sighed one more time and wrapped his arms around me before rolling us both onto our sides. "Fine. You can sleep in here tonight, if you talk to me in the morning and eat without me having to force you. Deal?"_

_I nodded against his chest and sniffled. "Th-tha-ank y-you, Un-Uncle Co-onner." My voice was hoarse and wavery; I hadn't talked in awhile._

_Uncle Conner jolted in shock. "You just... you're welcome, kid. Try and go back to sleep, okay? We gotta be up by seven."_

_It didn't feel as safe as it did when Daddy held me when it was thundering, but it was safer than I had been since... I sniffled into my stuffed animal, snuggling deeper into Uncle Conner's arms._

_Maybe things would get better..._

_\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I tried to stay quiet while I cried into my stuffed Loth-cat. Lynx was sleeping in the bunk above me, and I didn’t want to wake him up because of a stupid nightmare._

_“Why are you crying?”_

_I almost screamed. Lynx was leaning over the edge of his bed. I was only able to see him because of the nightlight Krista had bought for me._

_I rubbed at my eyes and shook my head._

_“Yes, you are. I don’t like seeing people cry. What’s wrong?”_

_I shrugged._

_Lynx sighed, then disappeared back onto his bed. He jumped down a minute later, with something in his arms. He sat down on my bed._

_“This-” he held up a jacket that had paint on it. “-belonged to my big sister. Sometimes I wear it when I have nightmares. It’s super warm and soft. Like being hugged.” He held up the other object next. It was a stuffed animal, but it was too torn up to tell what it was. “This is Soldier. He kills the monsters under the bed and in the closet.”_

_I blinked at him, surprised someone five years older than me had a stuffed animal._

_Lynx sighed and slipped the jacket over my PJ top when I didn’t move. “You can sleep with them tonight, okay? Maybe they’ll make you feel better.” He waited until I took the stuffed animal from him, holding my Loth-cat under my other arm. “I have nightmares, too. Soldier’s a really good listener, if you want to talk about them in secret.”_

_Lynx went to climb off my bed, and I grabbed his sleeve._

_He stopped. “What is it, Jazen?”_

_**I don’t wanna be all alone. It’s cold and I’m scared.** But I didn’t say that. I pulled lightly on his sleeve, hoping he’d get it._

_“Do you want me to stay here until you fall asleep again?”_

_I nodded._

_Lynx lightly pulled my hand away. “Okay. I’ll stay right here until you’re asleep.”_

_\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_I bit my lip, peeking through the window beside the door._

**_What if he didn’t mean it? What if I wasn’t supposed to come back?_ **

_I shoved my hand in my pocket, wincing as the glass shards dug into my palm more than they already were. I was going to just walk away when the door opened._

_“Would you like to come inside?”_

_Keeping my eyes on my boots, I nodded. He stepped back and let me walk inside._

_“Are you hurt?” Darrick asked._

_I nodded again._

_“Where?”_

_Slowly, I held my hands up so he could see the glass shards that littered both palms._

_He didn’t ask what happened. Just lead me to the couch and started pulling them out, gently bandaging my hands afterwards._

_\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_I couldn’t help but scream as someone grabbed my ankle and pulled me off the platform as they fell. I kicked down at the person, and they let go, but it was already too late. I took a breath before I hit the water._

_The cold almost forced the air out of my lungs as I struggled not to be dragged down._

_It was dark._

_I didn’t know which way was up._

_My lungs were starting to ache._

**_I’m gonna die down here…_ **

_My mouth opened a little bit, and salty water ran into my mouth._

_Then there were arms wrapping securely around me, swimming us both up to the surface._

_And then I was on the grass, coughing and spluttering and spitting out water while someone hit my back._

_My teeth chattered. My skin was pale._

_Darrick crouched down in front of me, reaching for the bottom of my shirt with one hand. He had a jacket in the other. He must’ve taken it off when he jumped in after me._

_I crossed my arms, keeping my shirt down._

_“You’ll get sick. Or worse. I promise I won’t ask questions. Just… please?”_

_I pulled my shirt off and changed into the dry and warm jacket as fast as I could. I was still cold when we got back to Darrick’s house. He lightly pushed me onto the couch with a few blankets and ducked into the kitchen._

_He had a cup of hot chocolate when he came back._

_I hadn’t had hot chocolate since Dad died, but I loved it. I’d mentioned it, once, but… Darrick remembered? “Thanks.”_

_“No problem.”_

_\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_I saw myself. Laying on a medbay cot. Battered and hooked up to a couple wires and machines. Darrick was beside me, cussing with tears in his eyes and something in his hands._

_There was a continuous, unchanging, beeping in the background._

_Looked like two small paddles of some kind, wired to something._

_He touched them to me on the bed, and my body jolted._

_“Dammit, c’mon… Jazen,_ please _….”_

_Hera and the others were there, too. Worried._

**_This isn’t a memory._ **

_He did it again._

_And again._

_Again._

_Everything went white._


	18. Alert

** Chapter 18: Alert **

Darrick’s POV:

Having to resuscitate him was one of the worst things I’d ever had to do.

The heart-monitor beeped steadily, but I was so worried it would stop and not start again that I couldn’t sleep.

 _How does he deal with this kind of worry constantly?_ A little over eleven hours had passed since he’d gone into cardiac arrest. Most people would wake up after twelve hours.

I checked his vitals to see if I could take the IV out. I’d had him on that for a couple hours, both to help with the pain and the dehydration. When I gently pulled the small needle out of the back of his hand, Jazen’s hand twitched and then grabbed at mine.

The grip was weak and barely there, but it was more than I’d seen since before he passed out. He still looked… fragile. Smaller than normal on the medbay bed. Both arms were bandaged, but his left wrist and hand were in a brace. Bandages were wrapped around a lot of his torso as well. I hadn’t missed how much weight he had lost when I was wrapping those bandages around him. I could almost count his ribs.

And that was _nothing_ compared to what had to be done about his right leg. The blanket I’d borrowed for him hid it, but he’d be able to tell when he woke up. I had no idea how to explain that- and that I’d paid for it with my own credits- to him.

One member of the _Ghost_ crew checked in every once and awhile, and had even brought me food when I refused to leave the medbay after Jazen’s cardiac arrest. They were worried about him, too. Especially Hera.

He always looked younger when he was asleep, but that contrasted sharply with the cuts and bruises. The bruise on his jaw was mostly healed; the one around his eye was healing.

I dozed off for a bit.

The next thing I was aware of were soft groans of pain from Jazen. I sat up straight. He was slowly turning his head from side to side, then opening his eyes. He closed them quickly, whining at the light.

“‘m not dead?” Jazen’s voice was hoarse and slurred a little bit, but I still sighed in relief when I heard it.

“Nope. Not dead yet.”

He opened his eyes again and immediately sat up, crying out in pain. I stood up and gently pushed him back down some, moving the pillows around so he could lean against them.

“Take it easy, Jazen. You took quite a beating.”

“Did you ge’ hurt?” he asked.

I blinked a few times. “Me? You’re worried about me?” Jazen nodded. “No. I didn’t get hurt,” I assured him. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I got hit by a Troop Transport,” Jazen replied flatly. He shifted a bit and frowned. “My leg’s not hurting. It feels weird, though.”

He pulled the blanket away before I even had the chance to explain. The shorts I’d replaced his ripped pants with did nothing to hide the prosthetic. It was modified to be lighter than most, just like Jazen’s rifle had been. And the wiring was concealed by metal plating. There wasn’t a synth-skin covering.

“The cut had gotten infected. Good thing I caught it in time or it could’ve been worse, but… there was nothing I could do. But I made sure you got the best I could find. I even had it modifi-”

“How… how did you pay for this?”

I hesitated. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Darrick.”

“Not much.’

“Darrick, how much was it and how did you pay for it?”

“I had a lot of credits saved up in a safe at my parents’ house,” I explained. He opened his mouth to protest, but I shook my head. “Nope. I chose to pay for it. No arguments about it.”

Jazen sighed. It still bothered him- I could tell it did- but he let it go. “How long was I out?”

“A few days.”

“And you… You stayed here the whole time?”

“You asked me to.”

Jazen shrugged. “I was in pain and everything was hazy. I barely knew what I was saying. Besides, I kinda assumed you’d have better things to do than just… sit there waiting for me to wake up.”

“I haven’t left the medbay for more than a couple minutes since… Nevermind.”

“Since what?”

I shook my head. “It’s nothing.”

“Yes, it is, or you wouldn’t be trying _not_ to tell me.” Jazen hesitated. “Did something happen while I was out?”

_How am I gonna tell him-_

“I flat-lined, didn’t I?” He didn’t seem frightened at all by that. “You had to… use whatever that thing is called.”

“Defibrillator,” I supplied. “Yeah. How is that not… how are you just okay with that? You almost died. And how did you know about it?”

“I dunno why it doesn’t bother me. And… I saw it happening. While I was unconscious.” Jazen looked up at me. “Don’t ask me to explain it. I don’t understand what happened. I just know what I saw. You were scared.”

“Yeah. I was worried, Jazen. So was everybody else.”

“They were?”

“Why is that so hard to believe?” I sighed softly. “I should go tell them you’re awake. Do you want anything?”

“Not really.”

“Okay. Be right back.”

I told Hera first because she had been almost as worried as me. I told the others on the way back to the medbay. Except Zeb. He was sleeping. I sighed.

Jazen had managed to stand up, but he was still unsteady, leaning with one hand on the edge of the bed.

“I can’t leave you alone for two minutes, can I?”

Jazen looked up immediately. “Wha-Ah!” His hand slipped, and I rushed to catch him before he could fall. “This is ridiculous.”

I rolled my eyes and sat him back down on the bed. “You’re still weak, Jazen.” I held up my hand to stop the argument that was coming. “Don’t even say it, you know I mean physically. You _have_ to take it easy for awhile.”

“So I’m just supposed to sit here?”

“Yes. What were you after, anyway?”

“My bracelet’s gone. I was gonna look for it.”

I nodded and pulled the bracelet out of my pocket. “Cleaned it for you. And replaced the buckle. It was breaking.”

Jazen clipped it around his wrist quickly, relaxing visibly once it was in place. “Thanks. What have I missed?”

“Well… The Empire thinks you’re dead,” Ezra answered.

Jazen tilted his head. “They do?”

“Lura contacted us after we rescued you,” Kanan spoke up.

Before he could continue, Jazen looked at me and smiled. “You told her I was dead.”

“Hey, now she’ll leave you alone.”

“Yeah…” Jazen hesitated, twisted his bracelet a couple times and let his hair fall into his face to hide behind. “What did she… how did she… Kriff this…” He sighed, and, after a minute, blurted: “How did she react?”

“Why does that matter?” Sabine asked.

Jazen shrugged. “I want to know. Darrick? How _did_ she react?”

I sighed, too. “She didn’t react much. Certainly not the way a mother should react to that news. That enough?”

“No. She had to have said something. She’s always saying _something._ ”

I shared a look with Kanan and Hera, but we’d agreed that I’d be the one to tell him if he asked. “Jazen, you’ve been awake less than an hour. Are you sure-”

“Darrick, stop stalling.”

“She said that now she ‘wouldn’t have to worry about keeping her past mistakes a secret.’”

Jazen ducked his head, but not before I noticed how crestfallen he looked. It only lasted a second or so before he looked up again, his face having gone blank. “Right. Moving on.”

 _He’s_ _doing that ‘pretending it doesn’t bother me’ thing again…_ “If you’re upset, we can lea-”

“Upset about what?” Jazen cut in. “It’s not like I ain’t heard it before. How’s Mason?”

“Coping. He’s with his parents on Garel. It’ll take some time, but he’ll be okay.”

Jazen nodded and shifted on the bed. “How long am I stuck in here for, doctor?”

“Until you get most of your strength back, you’re staying in the medbay. After _that,_ you’re staying on the _Ghost_ until _all_ of your injuries are healed to my standards.”

“That’ll take _weeks._ I can’t sit here and do nothing that long. There’s a war going on.”

I shook my head. “Jazen, a few weeks isn’t _that_ long. The war can go on without you for awhile.”

“You know why I can’t.”

“We’ll deal with those things as they happen. Look, I know this is gonna be difficult on you, but… You’ve earned the chance to rest and recover. And, I’ll be here. Once you’re healed… you need to decide what you’re going to do.”

Jazen frowned. “What do you mean?”

Hera took that one. “The Empire thinks you’re dead, Jazen. If you wanted, you could stop. We know you’ve got aliases and allies. You could disappear somewhere until you were older. And then, if things are still the way they are, you could start fighting again. As much as we need fighters, you’re still only thirteen, and you’ve already done quite a lot of fighting.”

Jazen didn’t say anything for a few minutes, pulling at his bracelet. “I’ll think about it, _Darrick._ ” He looked at me, and I started to say something. “Yeah, I know you had something to do with that idea.”

“Just keep it in mind.”

The others dispersed after a few more questions. I brought Jazen some food. He fell asleep not long after he ate; it was already dark out. I drifted off, too.

Screams jolted me awake before the sun came up.

* * *

_**A/N: Kinda late to say this, but the song from Chapter 15: Fear was 'Stars' by Sixx A.M.  I love Sixx A.M. Anyways... hope you enjoyed the chapter. Feedback is appreciated, as always.** _


	19. Trust

** Chapter 19: Trust **

Jazen’s POV:

_“Wanna sleep in the big bed!”_

_Dad sighed, pulling me off his back to sit me in my own bed. “Sorry, buddy. As much as I love having little feet kicking me all night, I have to go to work early in the morning. So we both need sleep.”_

_I crossed my arms. “Work is booooooooring, Daddy. You’re always working.”_

_Dad smiled and tickled my belly until I laughed. “Gotta work to make money to keep food in that tummy of yours. Trust me, I would_ much _rather stay home with my little prince. Which story do you want tonight?”_

_I looked at my stuffed Loth-cat. “Kitty, what story tonight?”_

_Dad waited until I pulled the toy away from my ear to ask, “What does Kitty say?”_

_“Kitty says he wants to hear the Jedi story again. I says that, too.”_

_Dad nodded and sat down on the end of my bed, waiting until I snuggled up under my blanket to start the story. “Once, thousands of Jedi lived in the galaxy. Protecting people. One of these Jedi was-”_

_A loud crash cut him off._

_I sat up, hugging Kitty to my chest. “Daddy?”_

_Another crash and Dad was standing up. He looked down at me, saw how scared I already was, and smiled. “I’m sure it’s just your Uncle Conner playing a mean prank. He_ is _supposed to be here soon for somebody’s special day.”_

_Hearing about my birthday made me feel better until there was another crashing sound. I whined._

_Dad leaned over and brushed my hair out of my eyes. I needed a hair-cut, but he’d been too busy to take care of it. “It’s okay, darling. I’ll go make it stop, then we can finish our story, yeah? Just stay here.”_

_Something was wrong. Dad kept fixing his shirt, pulling on the bottom of it._

_“Daddy, what’s wrong?”_

_He kissed my forehead once. “Nothing, sweetheart. Everything’s fine. I’ll handle it. Just stay here.”_

_I nodded even as he walked to my door and then out at the same time there was a final crash._

_“Everything’s fine,” I told Kitty. He was scared, too. “Daddy can take care of anything.”_

_I trusted Dad. Everything was fine._

_Then the yelling started. Loud, angry yelling. People I didn’t know. I held Kitty closer._

_I calmed down some when I heard Dad calmly talking to the yelling people._

_Until my bedroom door opened. I screamed at the person in the doorway, forgetting what Dad said about staying in bed, and ran past him._

_“Daddy!”_

_I stopped in the hallway. Everyone turned to look down at me. Two of them had helmets and guns; two didn’t._

_“Baby, go back to your room.” Dad looked scared when he saw me._

_“Daddy, why do they have guns? Guns aren’t ‘lowed in our house.”_

_Dad’s smile didn’t help. “You’re right. They’re not. Go back to bed and wait for me until I take care of this.”_

_“So the boy_ is _here. Lura was correct. Grab him.”_

_Dad turned around to look at the guy that said it. “Lura?” Then his eyes got big. “Jay,_ move _!”_

_I jumped when he yelled, and tripped over my own foot. The guy that opened my door missed when he tried grabbing me._

_And then Dad was on him, knocking him to the ground. “You are_ not _taking my son to her! She’ll hurt him!”_

_I couldn’t make myself move. Kitty was still in my arms. Dad was hitting the guy._

_There was blood._

_Something snapped._

_I don’t like blood. I started crying. It had to be a bad dream. Dad said we were safe at home. Dad promised._

_He didn’t break promises._

_Dad heard me crying._

_Stopped hitting the guy that wasn’t moving anymore._

_“Jazen, I’m sorry I got angry. It’s gonna be okay.”_

_Still crying, I held my arm up. I was too scared to move._

_Dad stopped halfway to standing up._

_“Don’t move!” one of the ones with a gun said._

_Dad looked at me, still wailing on the floor._

_“Daddy!”_

_Dad couldn’t stand it when I was that upset._

_He hated it._

_He stood up. “It’s gonna be ok-”_

_A gun went off when he took a step towards me._

_Blood went everywhere._

_I felt it hit me, too._

_Dad fell._

_And he wasn’t getting back up._

_I made myself move._

_Sniffling, poked his shoulder like I did to wake him up every morning._

_No fake groan and then a smile._

_Nothing at all._

_“D-Daddy?”_

_I leaned over to put my head on his chest like I did when I had a bad dream._

_Nothing._

_“Daddy!”_

_I started crying harder, then screamed when one of the guy’s I forgot about tried to grab me. “Daddy, help!”_

_He can’t help._

_I ended up in the corner, Kitty tucked between my knees and my chest, screaming loud enough to hurt my own ears._

_Leave me alone._

_It’s a dream, a bad dream._

_I was so scared._

_I couldn’t breathe, sobbing and choking into my hands._

_I screamed even louder when I heard a crash and repeated thuds for a few seconds._

_When I looked up, one of our bookshelves was tipped over onto one of the people. The books were around another, from what I could see through the tears. The other guy had our couch on top of him. I didn’t even care how that happened._

_It was cold in the living room._

_New tears made it hard to see when I made myself walk past Dad and the blood._

_The blood on me and Kitty, too._

_I barely heard my scream._

_I felt it hurting my throat._

_I threw up in the hall._

_Curled up in Dad’s be in the bloody clothes._

_Cried because I was scared._

_And hurt._

_Screamed until I couldn’t anymore._

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up screaming and to arms wrapped around me just enough to keep me still.

I was shaking.

“Are you okay?”

I couldn’t tell who was speaking. Everything kind of blurred together. My heart raced, thumping like it wanted to break out of my chest.

I couldn’t breathe.

Felt like I was going to be sick.

I was cold.

Then hot.

The arms around me tightened. “I’m here. Jazen, I’m here.”

Someone started to say something.

“He needs quiet.” Darrick’s- I recognized him then- voice was soft. Even softer when he talked to me. “Try to breathe with me.”

His breathing was steady. Even.

“C-can’t.”

“Yes you can. Concentrate on your breathing.”

I managed a couple normal breaths before the gasping was back.

“Good. Proud of you. Try again.”

Worked a little longer.

I didn’t know how long it took, but my breathing did finally become steady.

I was no longer jumping from hot to cold. I was just cold. And I still felt like I was going to throw up. My chest hurt.

“Tell me what you need now.” Darrick’s voice still calm.

“Bl-blanket.”

A blanket wrapped around me, followed by Darrick’s arms.

“Can you count with me?”

“Wha-at?”

“It’ll help, I promise.”

I trusted him. I nodded.

He counted to ten; I fell behind about halfway through, but he said it was okay and to try again.

It _did_ help.

I still felt pretty bad and my stomach was still uneasy, but…

“You did so good, Jazen.” Darrick waited a few more minutes in silence. “Think you can try to sleep again?”

I straightened up in his hold, yelling incoherently and trying to get away despite the movement hurting my sides.

“Shhhh. It’s not sleep you’re scared of. Just the bad dreams.”

I stopped struggling and went quiet because it wasn’t helping. But I couldn’t suffer through that nightmare again.

“You don’t have to sleep. But you should lie down. You’re hurting yourself. Okay? Don’t have to sleep, just lie down.”

I nodded. Darrick went to stand up, but I twisted so I could wrap my arms around him, one hand clutching his shirt.

“D-don’t go!”

Darrick ran his hand through my hair gently. “I won’t. I promise I won’t.” He leaned back against the pillow, and I kept holding onto him, trying to stop trembling. He patted my back lightly. “Being scared is okay. Crying is okay. You don’t have to try to hide that.”

I cried into his shirt.

Cried without caring who was there.

Because Darrick said it was okay.

And I trusted Darrick.


	20. Fallout

** Chapter 20: Fallout **

Jazen’s POV:

Darrick was still there when I woke up. _When did I fall asleep?_ He was already awake, reading off of a datapad in one hand. The other hand was still on my back.

“Sleep okay?”

I nodded slowly. “About what happened… I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Darrick looked up from what he was reading.

“Freaking out like a little kid.”

Darrick sighed. “Jazen, you had a panic attack. Lots of people have them for lots of reasons. That doesn’t mean you were acting like a little kid. You were just scared.”

“But I-”

“Stop trying to apologize for it. Nobody’s gonna judge you about it. Everyone here’s probably had one at some point in their lives.” Darrick stretched, leaving the datapad on the bed.

“Did you actually stay here the whole time I was asleep?”

“Not the whole time, no. I ate breakfast and stuff then came back.”

“Breakfast? What time is it?” I asked.

Darrick shrugged. “Almost noon, I think.” He chuckled at the look on my face. “Kid, you woke up at four in the morning. And you were already tired. Panic attacks make most people tired. So, yeah. You were out.”

“I haven’t slept that long in forever.”

“While we’re talking about your sleeping patterns… I wanted to ask about… the nightmares?”

I sat up and moved to the end of the bed. Darrick would still be able to tell when I got nervous, but it wouldn’t be as easy as it would if I was still laying on him. Darricksat cross-legged in front of me. He looked geniuinely concerned about the nightmares.

“What about ‘em?”

“How long have you had them?”

I hesitated. “I had bad dreams when I was little, but every kid does. And they were silly. Infrequent. The real nightmares started after… after I lost Dad. And they’ve only gotten worse and more vivid as I got older. I have them almost nightly now.”

“That’s why you hate sleeping.”

I nodded, then hesitated. “I’ve never told anyone before, but… Not long before Dad… before _that_ night, I had this really vivid nightmare. Of him getting shot. It wasn’t like the nightmares usually were. No monsters or anything. Just… Dad getting shot. I wouldn’t let him go to work when he woke me up.”

“That’s the day he asked me to cover for him at work. He didn’t tell me what was going on, though.”

“But that’s not the only time it happened. A couple weeks before Uncle Conner’s stabbing… that was in a nightmare, too. Then my friends Krista and Zander… Saw their deaths a month before they were killed. The nightmares were so _real_ when they happened.”

“You don’t think those are coinidences, do you?” Darrick guessed..

I shook my head. “There’s no way. I even saw my friend Lynx’s death, and I hadn’t seen him in three years when he died.”

Darrick nodded, then tilted his head. “Why are you telling me?”

“Just in case. So you’ll listen and be careful if… if I have one of them about you.”

“If you were geniuinely worried or scared about it, I’d listen to you anyway.”

“Well, you know why now, so… What?”

“You’re usually not so talkative and open.”

I shrugged. “You saved my life again. And, you’ve put up with me and my problems for three years.” I sighed. “I’m bored.”

Darrick thought for a second. “How long’s it been since you’ve had cookies?”

I blinked at him. “What?”

“Cookies. Those things you used to be addicted to.”

“I… I don’t know. Years?”

“We’re making cookies.”

“Seriously?”

Darrick nodded and stood up. I was steadier on my feet than I had been, but Darrick stayed close just in case.

“Do you even know how to _make_ cookies?” I asked.

“Not really, no. But how hard can it be?”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------It was probably harder than he thought, but we managed to make a tray of cookies.

“Where’d the rest of the chocolate go?”

“I dunno.” I popped some more chocolate chips in my mouth when he wasn’t looking. “I didnt see it.”

“Whatever.” He’d already mixed another bowl of cookie dough.

Darrick turned to put the bowl on the table and tripped over Chopper. He ended up face-first in the bowl.

I’d like to say I didn’t laugh when he sat up.

But I did. Laughed so hard I almost fell off the counter. Darrick laughed, too.

It felt nice to laugh. And it felt very nice to not be faking it.

I was still giggling when the others got back from shopping. All of them stopped to stare at me.

“What?” I asked.

“What happened while we were gone?” Hera asked.

“We…” I started laughing again.

Darrick walked back in after cleaning himself up. “We made cookies. I tripped and got a face ful of cookie dough and- You _did_ take the chocolate chips! Seriously?”

“Not my fault you didn’t notice.” I felt better than I had in years.

_You know it won’t last. It never does._

I ignored the voice. “Anybody want cookies?”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Everyone was inside, except for me and Darrick. I was watching the Loth-cats run around. It was peaceful.

Someone on a Speeder bike ruined the moment. I wanted to hide when I saw her. _Why is she here? How is she here?_

Darrick stood up and stepped in front of me.

“You’re not hurting him again.”

I’d never heard Darrick sound angry before.

“I’m just here to talk.”

“No one cares what you have to say, Lura.”

I looked around Darrick, ducking back behind him when she saw me.

“So you’re _not_ really dead. Figured it wouldn’t be that easy.”

“Why can’t you just leave me alone?” I asked. “Do you have something to gain from tormenting me?”

“Having you running around makes me look weak. If I can’t control my own son-”

“You act like I go around bragging that you’re my mother! I went to you for help _one time_. I want nothing to do with you. Pretend I’m dead, I don’t care.”

“If I found out about it, other could, too.”

“We don’t even have the same surname,” I argued. “Please just leave me alone.”

“So you can pull another stunt like you did last time?”

“I was _nine_! And afraid and… I didn’t mean to do that. I wasn’t _trying_ to hurt you.”

“You made me look like a fool.”

_You don’t need my help to do that._

What happened next was almost too fast for me to process. She had a blaster. I heard it go off. Darrick almost fell on top of me.

_He’s just stunned. He’s okay._

“What do you want from me?! You tried to take me from Dad when I was little. You’ve hurt me. But you don’t _care_ so what the hell do you want?”

“You to either shape up and act right, or you to die. You’re ruining my life. My reputation.”

“You _already_ ruined my life when you sent those guys after Dad!”

The others heard the yelling. I heard them walking outside.

“You got him _killed_ all because your stupid kriffing reputation! All we were to you… We were just _mistakes_ to you! Why couldn’t you just ignore us?!”

I was getting angry, but I tried to fight it. _I am_ not _losing control because of her._ I forced myself to calm down, noticing I had walked closer to her while I was shouting.

“I should’ve shot you when I had the chance,” I told her. “Dozens of chances. But I couldn’t do it. Like it or not, Dad loved you. Never stopped. I couldn’t shoot you.”

“But I can shoot you.”

“I can’t exactly defend myself right now. If you’re gonna shoot me, shoot me. But you are _not_ taking anyone else away from me.”

A blaster went off, and she collapsed. I looked back, but the others looked as confused as me.

“You’re welcome.”

_You have got to be kidding._

I turned back around. He didn’t have any armor on, and had no weapons other than the blaster in his hand.

Something was strange, though. It didn’t feel cold. Well, not _very_ cold. I still found myself zipping up my jacket as I walked back to where Darrick was coming to.

“And what do _you_ want?”

“You’re welcome,” he repeated. “For this, and telling your friends there that you were at the prison."

_What?_

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_**A/N: I started out having just a semi-cute, fluffy, kinda filler chapter. Oh well. Feedback is always appreciated.** _


	21. Reflection

** Chapter 21: Reflection **

Jazen’s POV:

“I know it’s been awhile since I’ve been out here. Darrick’s gonna kill me for sneaking out, but I had to talk to you. I have to make a choice about what to do next, and I’m not sure what I should do.”

I shifted a little so the ground didn’t hurt my back so much and sighed. The stars were as amazing as they were when Dad and I went outside when I was little.

“I know I shouldn’t have waited this long, but… I couldn’t make myself come back here after what happened with Mom a few years ago. I didn’t tell you about that, did I?”

Didn’t get an answer, but I wasn’t expecting one.

“That’s not the point today, though. I have three options, and… I… I… Every part of me wants something different. I want to go with Darrick because it’d be safe, and that’s what my heart wants. But I’ve been on the same path for so long, and my head says stick with what I know and what I’m good at. Plus, I like the crew I’m with. But… there’s a new choice. I don’t know the person well, and he _did_ hurt me… It just feels like… My instinct says to trust him, but…”

I sighed. “I just don’t want to end up hurt and alone again, you know? I told you about what happened after Uncle Conner died, right? How I blanked out and the people that killed him ended up dead and I felt like _I_ did it? The new person- he said his name is Endorian- tells me that he knows how I did that. He says he can help me control it so I can use it without getting angry or upset and losing control of myself.

“Did you know there was something like that inside me? That I wasn’t normal? Were you like that, too? He also said it might be why my eyes are orange. The ability manifesting physically, or something like that.”

I sat up and turned so I could see the stone on the ground, tracing the roughly-carved letters of Dad’s name. “The crew I’m with… you’d love them. They’re all kinda crazy, but they’re a family. They genuinely care about each other. And me. They haven’t known me long, and they _rescued_ me from prison. I didn’t expect that. I’m glad they did, though.”

Talking about prison reminded me, and I twisted my bracelet around as I spoke. “I saw you. While I was there. I was really scared and confused and in pain, so I might have just been imagining it, but it seemed like you were really there with me. You did that thing that you used to do when I needed a haircut, and you would say that you couldn’t see my eyes. I’ve felt like that before, like you were _there_ , just not… visible. It sounds crazy, doesn’t it?”

I wasn’t much closer to an answer for everyone, but I felt better, even if the whole conversation was one-sided.

I looked over my shoulder when I heard a Speeder-bike. Darrick stopped close by and practically ran over with a flashlight as I stood up carefully. I was still getting used to my prosthetic.

“Don’t you _ever_ do that again! Do you have any idea how scared I was?!” Darrick hugged me.

I tensed up automatically, but relaxed. _Something else I needed to get used to._

“You’re not even wearing a jacket. You’ll get sick. Why did you have to sneak out in the middle of the night?”

“Talking some things out. How’d you know I’d be here?”

Darrick shrugged. “Checked your hideouts first. Couldn’t think of anywhere else. Here.” He handed me a jacket, and I unfolded it.

 _Lynx’s_ jacket. That he’d left with me the day he left me. His favorite jacket. “Where… where did you get this?”

“At one of your hideouts I checked when we found out you were missing. It’s yours, isn’t it?”

I shook my head slowly. “Not… Not exactly. It belonged to a friend of mine. Lynx. He kind of forgot it when he left.”

“He was one of the ones you had a nightmare about,” Darrick said. “I didn’t know.”

“It’s fine.” I pulled the jacket on. Even after the four years since he’d left it, it was still a size too big for me and covered my hands almost completely.

“It’s really quiet out here.”

“Yeah. Part of why Dad liked it so much. Peaceful.”

“Did you talk everything out?”

I nodded. “Sorry I snuck out. I didn’t think you’d let me come out here if I asked.”

“Not alone, no. Ready to go back?”

“I’m no closer to making a decision. Are you _sure_ you can’t help?”

Darrick shook his head. “I told you. It’s _your_ life. I can’t make a choice like this for you. Look, you’ve still got time to decide.”

I looked back one last time before we left. “Bye, Dad.” I figured it was my imagination, but I could’ve sworn I saw Dad standing there, waving at me. I waved back anyway.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 _He’s said over and over that it’s okay. Just_ ask _. There’s no way you’ll get back to sleep without help._ I managed to get almost two hours’ sleep before I couldn’t sleep anymore, but I was still tired. I just couldn’t make myself wake Darrick up to ask if I could lay with him so I could sleep.

I had already started to wake him four times, snatching my hand away when he rolled over on the couch the last time I reached towards him.

_This should not be this difficult._

“What’s wrong?”

I jumped when Darrick spoke. His eyes were still closed.

“I… uh... “

I pulled my blanket tighter around myself and lowered my head. _Just ask. It’s really not complicated._

“Jazen, do you want to lay with me so you can sleep?”

I nodded, sighing softly in relief that he understood, and laid down beside him. He draped one arm over me as I moved my head so I could hear his heartbeat, letting it lull me to sleep the same way Dad’s had when I had bad dreams then. Laying with Darrick helped. I even had a good dream.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_“You know, if you’d just-” Dad sat me back down in front of him, trying to brush through my hair again. “-sit still, I’d have your hair cut already.”_

_“Don’t wanna haircut, Daddy!” Giggling, I pulled away again. “I likes my hair.”_

_“Buddy, I’m just trimming it some. Just enough that I can see your eyes and it’s not so long in the back.”_

_“But my eyes is weird.”_

_I heard Dad put the brush down. “Are,” he corrected. “Who said that?”_

_“Skye.”_

_“Your eyes aren’t weird. They’re just… special. Jazen, hold still! I don’t want to hurt you on accident because you’re squirming.”_

_“Your eyes isn’t orange. Skye’s is- aren’t orange. Uncle Conner-”_

_Dad chuckled. “That’s kinda what special is, sweetheart. Something you have that nobody or only a few people have.”_

_“Skye and Aren and Sabrina laugh at me.”_

_Dad stopped cutting my hair for a few seconds. “I guess I’ll just have to talk to their parents, then. What they’re doing isn’t nice.” Dad sighed loudly when I stood up again. “I know I keep saying I shouldn’t bribe you, but I will give you cookies if you’ll just sit still until I get your haircut.”_

_“Okay!” I sat down when he got back from the kitchen with my cookies._

_“I gotta stop making those cookies…”_

_“Nuh!”_

_“Don’t talk with your mouth full, Jay.”_

_I swallowed and repeated myself, “No.” Then pushed another big piece of the cookie into my mouth._

_I finished the cookies before Dad started cutting my bangs. The hair that fell tickled, and I giggled when Dad finally got done and smiled._

_“See? It didn’t take long once you actually sat still. Look.”_ _Dad picked me up so I could see myself in the mirror._

_“I looks like Daddy!”_

_Dad grinned. “You do kinda look like me, don’t you?”_

_“Do I looks like Mommy, too?”_

_Dad didn’t answer very fast. “Um… yeah. You do.”_

_“Where_ did _Mommy go?”_

_“I don’t know, buddy.”_

_I didn’t ask about Mommy anymore for awhile. It made him sad._

_“Daddy play blocks with me?” I asked._

_Dad nodded and set me down so I could get my blocks out. I kept knocking his tower down when he wasn’t looking, but he didn’t touch my tower. We played until my naptime._

* * *

_**A/N: Kind of a lot of dialogue in this chapter. There's only a few chapters left after this one, probably around four to six more, actually. Anyways, as always, thoughts on this chapter? Feedback is always appreciated. (Including constructive criticism. This is unedited, after all.)** _


	22. Connections

** Chapter 22: Connections **

Jazen's POV:

 _Maybe I shouldn’t be here._ I grabbed one of the credits I had in my jacket pocket and bit my lip. All the creds I had kept hidden at my hideouts- well, all that was left of them. Barely even three hundred. I knew it wouldn’t make up for what had happened, but I needed a reason to visit Mason.

Darrick knew where I was. He’d wanted to come with me, but I felt physically strong enough to go on my own. I couldn’t just avoid Mason, even if I really wanted to. I needed to know if he was somewhat okay.

_You know Mason hates you now._

I sighed and knocked before I could psych myself out. It wasn’t Mason at the door. A man I’d never seen before.

“Yes?”

“I’m here to… Is Mason home?” _Why the hell is this so complicated? I’ve dealt with things way more terrifying than this._ “I need to talk to him.”

The man didn’t answer right away, looking me over.

_Mason probably warned him about you. He’s gonna tell you to get lost._

_Shut up. Not helping._

Even if Mason had told his parents about me, I’d put contacts in before I’d left.

“Mason hasn’t been doing _much_ talking lately, but give it a shot,” he said after a couple minutes, stepping aside to let me in.

I could hear what sounded like cooking from somewhere in the house.

“Last door on the right.”

“Thank you.” I was still insanely nervous. I knocked first, but the door was open. I almost didn’t want to go in, but I had to.

“Not hungry.”

Mason’s voice was hoarse, and he was just kind of sitting on the bed in near-darkness.

“H-hey, Mason.” My voice cracked, and I winced.

Mason turned around. For a minute, he just looked… broken. Like I had when I was younger. Then that look melted into anger.

“Get the hell out of here!”

I dug the credits out of my pocket and left them on the edge of the bed. “I know it’s not gonna help, and I know it’s probably an empty gesture, but-”

“Shut. Up.” He shoved the credits off the bed. “Damn right it’s an empty gesture! My wife and daughter are dead! Because of you!”

“I’m so-” I cringed. Saying sorry never helped in this situation. “I tried, but… I wasn’t quick enough, and they didn’t have a pulse by the time I found them.”

“Then why did _you_ survive it?”

I crossed my arms. “My survival instinct kicked in, okay? Years of practice falling or jumping off things. I knew how to fall safely.” _This really was a mistake._ _He really does hate me._ I sighed and turned to leave. “Sorry for bothering you.”

“Is that what happened with Daniel? Your ‘survival instincts’ kicked in?”

I stopped immediately. “What?”

“Or Conner?”

“Mason-”

“What’s next? You get Darrick killed?” Mason shook his head, fists clenched at his sides. “He should’ve left you in that prison.”

“Yes, he should have! He should’ve left me there. He should’ve let me drown the day I was dragged off a dock. He should’ve just walked away the day he found me in that alley. All of you woulda been better off! And I _know_ that! I’ve _known_ that since the first time he helped me! I understand why you’re this upset, and I understand exactly what you’re thinking because I think so too!”

Mason faltered, then shook his head again. “You understand?! How the hell would you understand?!”

In any other situation, I would’ve been angry, too. I knew where he was coming from. “You’re not the only one that’s gone through this, Mason. I understand that you’re angry because I felt the same way. And scared. And I know it hurts. All of it. It _still_ hurts me. But lashing out doesn’t help. Not really. But it _does_ distract you from how much it hurts. So I also understand if you want to hit me.  I won’t hit back because I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already have.”

“I’m not… I’m not going to hit you.” Mason’s fists relaxed and he sat back down on the bed. “Just… just get out. Don’t come back.”

I wanted to help him, but I didn’t know how. _Again._ So I just nodded and said, “Okay.” I left. I didn’t answer Mason’s parents’ questions. He could tell them if he wanted to. “You can stop sneaking around now,” I said once I was back outside.

Endorian climbed down from where he’d been hiding while I was in Mason’s house. “You knew.”

“Of course I knew. I’d have been killed years ago if I couldn’t tell when someone was following me. Why _are_ you following me?”

“To see if you’d get angry. Or upset.”

 _Because that makes sense._ He walked slowly to keep pace with me, since I was still slower than I’d like to admit. Darrick said the walk would be good for me, though, as long as I was careful. “Why?”

“So far, you’ve only been able to use your power when you’re either angry or scared. Your blackouts, as you called them, always happened in situations like what happened with your father.”

“And?”

“I’ve never _seen_ that kind of power before. Read about it. Heard about. But never seen it. I want to see it.”

“I’ve got more self-control now than I did the last time I had a blackout. More than I had, but still not enough.”

“What if you could use it without being angry or upset?”

“Maybe I don’t want to be able to _use_ it,” I retorted. “Look, it’s cool and all, but I just want to be able to control it better. It’s really hard trying to keep my feelings in check, and I don’t want to accidentally hurt someone important to me.”

“If you can control it, why wouldn’t you use it to your advantage? You gotta admit, you’re out-numbered and out-classed. When you get back in the fight, you’d have one hell of a secret weapon.”

I groaned and stopped walking. “You don’t know that I’m getting back in the fight. _I_ don’t even know.”

“Hypothetically, then. Why wouldn’t you?”

“Because… because what’s the point in being able to control it _now_? I _needed_ it when my dad was killed. I _needed_ it when my uncle was killed.”

“You can’t change what happened. The only thing you _can_ change is how it affects you. Pyrokinesis may not be the most powerful thing out there, but it _is_ rare. Nobody would expect it. Especially with everyone thinking you’re dead.”

I started walking again; Darrick would worry if I stayed gone too long. “Just because you were in my head doesn’t mean you know everything about me. Besides, just ‘cause I trust you… That doesn’t mean I trust your judgement.”

“I know that. If you didn’t trust me, I wouldn’t be here. Those friends of yours do trust _your_ judgement. You can stop trying to change the subject now, kid.”

“Don’t call me kid.”

“You let-”

“Darrick gets to call me kid. _You_ do not. Now who’s changing the subject?”

“All I was saying was… yeah, you’re a threat just as you are. But imagine what you could do if you could fight with it as well as you fight with a rifle or your throwing knives.”

 _That would definitely give you the advantage._ “What about after, though? The couple times I’ve used it on accident, it left me frightened, tired, and cold.”

“That would probably get better once you got it under control. You only felt cold because you were acting out of anger or fear.”

“Probably?” I repeated.

Endorian sighed. “Do you really wanna go into this now?”

“I’d rather go into this never. I-”

Loud crying cut me off as we walked past a house. The door looked like it had been busted down.

“We should go, Jazen.”

I ignored Endorian. I could hear yelling, even over the crying. Could see Stormtroopers. I probably should’ve thought it through more than I did, but I couldn’t just walk away when I figured out what was going on. Surprising myself, I ran inside the house.

Everything got blurry after I ran in.

There were kids screaming and crying.

Someone yelling.

The next thing I was aware of was Stormtroopers burning.

* * *

_**A/N: It took longer than expected to write this chapter. I originally had written about 1000 words, but I decided to save that for a later chapter and started this one over. Sorry for the wait. Anyways, feedback is appreciated as always, and I hope you all enjoy!** _


	23. Overwrought

* * *

* * *

_**A/N: BEFORE YOU READ THE CHAPTER...** _

_**POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING (I'm not sure exactly how to do this)** _

_**Not very descriptive, at least, I don't think so, self-harm and (I guess? It's kinda weird with him) suicidal thoughts.** _

_**SO IF THIS UPSETS AND/OR TRIGGERS YOU, FEEL FREE TO NOT READ THIS, IT'S NOT REALLY ESSENTIAL TO THE STORY, BUT I FELT IT NEEDED TO BE IN IT (Because I really don't want to affect someone really badly with this)** _

_**Anyway... to the chapter!** _

* * *

* * *

 

** Chapter 23: Overwrought **

Jazen’s POV:

“I’m sorry.”

Darrick frowned at me. “Sorry for what?”

“Just… Know that I’m sorry.” I couldn’t look at him; he knew me too well. He’d be able to figure it out. I didn’t want him to know. “I’m… I’m gonna go.”

“Wait. You should eat something first.”

_The last thing I need to do is_ eat. _I’ll throw up._ My stomach felt like it was tied in a knot. “I… I’m not hungry.”

“You haven’t eaten today.”

I kept walking. “Not hungry.”

“Jazen-” I stopped walking when he grabbed my arm. All I could see for a few seconds was what I had done. Darrick noticed how I tensed up. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Just… just let go.”

They were all looking at us. Darrick didn’t let go.

“Not until you talk to me,” Darrick still didn’t let go when I tried to pull away. “Talk to me.”

“Darrick, please let go. I can’t… I really can’t.”

Darrick looked confused. “Can’t what?”

“Just let _go_!” Fire flared to life on my hands and my arm where he was holding me.

Darrick let go and yelped in pain, gingerly holding his hand.

_Look what you’ve done._

I backed away, my arms crossed tightly. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

And, like I’d done _so_ many times before, I ran. I locked the door to the room Kanan and I shared. My hands shook.

_What have I done?! What the hell have I done?!_

Someone was knocking on the door. “Jazen, I’m okay. It’s okay. Open the door.”

I was crying.

I’d always hated the blackouts. Hated not knowing. But… knowing was so, so much worse. As much as I hated the Empire, hearing those Stormtroopers screaming like that was worse. Seeing the _damage_ I did. That I couldn’t control… And how _scared_ those kids had been…

And then I _burned_ Darrick.

_You’re so damn pathetic._

Darrick was still knocking on the door. “Jazen, open the door. I promise everything’s okay.”

He wouldn’t let them override the door. He’d wait until _I_ opened the door on my own. Even if he didn’t like it. Before I realized what I was doing, I had a knife in my hand, barely managing to hold it steady.

It had been so long since I’d done what I was about to do.

The scars had almost completely faded.

I hated doing it.

I wanted to be stronger than that.

I wanted to be as strong as Darrick said I was.

But I wasn’t.

“Please, Jazen. I know you’re scared and upset, but please open the door. Let me help.”

_I hurt you. I couldn’t control myself and I hurt you._

_Just a few… just to help you feel better._

But I knew it wouldn’t stop at a few.

It never had before.

“I’m not mad at you about what happened. And I won’t be mad about this. Just, _please_ , open the door. You don’t have to be alone.”

I barely felt the pain.

Saw the blood.

But didn’t feel the sting.

I hadn’t felt the sting from it in a long time.

“Jazen, I’m here. Just let me in. I want to help.”

“But… what if you _can’t_?” I whispered. I didn’t care that he couldn’t hear me. “You’re always saying that you want to help me, but what if it’s too late?”

The knocking stopped, but Darrick kept talking. “Jazen, I know it’s hard. I know you’re probably hating yourself right now. I don’t care what happened while you were gone. It won’t change anything. I still want to help you.”

_Seven, eight, nine…_

“I wish Daniel was here to help you,” It was softer than anything else he’d said, and I barely heard it.

The hand holding the knife stilled. “Me too.”

Dad had always made me feel… _safe_. He’d always been able to make _everything_ seem like it was okay, even when it wasn’t. He’d tried to do that the night he died.

_He’d hate you. Look at what you’ve done._

“Get out of my head!” I snapped.

“What?” Darrick asked.

I ignored him. “I have a hard enough time without your kriffing shit. Just leave me alone!”

_You idiot. How can I leave you alone when I_ am _you?_

“I don’t like it.”

_Just accept it._

“I don’t want to.”

_What’s the point in trying to ignore it? You know you’re not exactly your father’s little angel anymore. Mason hates you. Solstice is_ dead _. Darrick’s gonna give up on you eventually. Just accept that you’re nothing._

“Darrick won’t leave. He… He promised,” I protested weakly.

_Lura promised you’d be safe, and how did_ that _end? With you getting knocked out and dragged to some prison._

“Darrick isn’t Lura.”

_You’re bad at lying to yourself._ _Who would honestly care if you died?_

“Darrick would. As dangerous and hopeless as it is, Darrick cares about me. Even when I yell and lash out at him, he refuses to give up on me. He cares, even if I don’t deserve to have someone like him looking out for me.”

_You’re just a charity case for him._

“I’m not.”

_He’s probably already left. You’ll open the door, and he’ll be gone. Decided he couldn’t deal with you._

I unlocked the door before I could psyche myself out of it. Darrick was still standing there. Hera and Kanan and even Endorian were clustered behind him.

Darrick stepped inside and closed the door behind him. He knew I didn’t want anyone to see if it could be avoided. He took the knife away.

“Let’s bandage your arms up, yeah?”

I nodded wordlessly. He pulled a medkit out of my bag on the floor. He didn’t say much as he cleaned the cuts. Once they were bandaged up, Darrick paused for a few seconds.

“You know you’re not alone anymore. Not just me. The _Ghost_ crew cares about you too. I know it’s difficult. I know sometimes you can’t help it. But… can you try?”

“I _did_ try. This is… the first time in about a year. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize for thi-”

I pointed to his arm where I’d burned him. “I’m apologizing for _that_.”

“You asked me to let go, and I didn’t listen. It’s not your fault.”

“But-”

“Not your fault.” Darrick stood up. “I know you’re probably not hungry, but… You really do need to eat. You still weigh less than you should, and… it’s a little worrying.”

I nodded slowly. “But… what if they ask-” They probably already knew, but I really didn’t want them too.

“I’m sure they won’t. You want to try to eat?”

I wiped the remaining tears away the best I could and stood up. “Not a lot of food, but… I’ll try.”

“Good.”


	24. Discussion

** Chapter 24: Discussion **

**Jazen’s POV:**

I hadn’t done much in the four days since I’d burned Darrick. I was avoiding having to choose what to do next.

But Darrick couldn’t stay forever. He wanted to find a new place and open a new workshop. Start making and selling weapons again.

I really didn’t want him to go.

I didn’t want to prevent him from getting back to his normal life.

He’d stay if I asked. I knew he would. I couldn’t ask that of him, though. He’d already helped me more than I ever expected him to.

Way more than I could ever deserve.

I sighed and finished drinking my third cup of caf. Darrick wouldn’t let me drink it when he was awake. Said I drank way too much of it to be healthy. He was right, but I couldn’t help it. I wasn’t used to sleeping as much as I had been for a few weeks, and caf was the easiest solution to avoid it.

“It’s three in the morning.”

I threw my cup away, not even looking at him. “So?”

Endorian shrugged. “It’s three in the morning and you’re drinking caf. You might’ve had enough of that, by the way. Your hands are twitchy.”

He wasn’t wrong, either. My hands _were_ shaking a little, but it wasn’t because of the caffeine. They were shaking before I’d even made the caf. I was already hyper. “Did you walk in here for something or just to question my choices?”

“You’ve been avoiding the subject any time someone brings it up. Are you stalling, or do you really not know?”

“I’d tell you… _why_?” I trusted him more than I would’ve expected to. Still didn’t understand why, I just _did_ , but I had always had trouble showing that I trusted people.

“You don’t have to. But you do have to decide.”

“Well aware, thank you.” I fixed another cup of caf. “It’s weird. I haven’t really had time to think about what to choose… in a few years. I’ve just pretty much jumped head-first onto one path or another.”

Endorian nodded. “Explains why, from what I’ve heard, you make pretty bad choices.”

“Yours can’t be much better.” _Enough of him asking me questions._ “You seem familiar. Are you one of the people that’s tried to kill me or something?”

That seemed to catch him off-guard. “Um… Not exactly.”

“You gonna elaborate, or… ?”

“Eventually, yes. Now? Nope.”

I snorted. “That’s helpful. Why didn’t you kill me?”

“I had orders not to.”

“C’mon, it’s pretty obvious that I wasn’t gonna tell you anything. Even with that… looking in my head thing. Why not just kill me and get it over with? And at one point while you were looking into my head, you just… left. Why?”

“You’re asking the questions now?”

I nodded, casually drinking my caf. “Are you gonna answer them?”

“I’m not telling you why I didn’t kill you. Just know that I didn’t. Even helped you out. I left because of something I saw. Had to go check something out.”

“And Darrick says _I’m_ vague when I answer questions,” I muttered. “Why’d you shoot Lura?”

Endorian hesitated. “She was obnoxious.”

“You could’ve just shot her at the Imperial complex or something, if that’s true, which I don’t believe,” I pointed out. “But you didn’t. You waited until she came all the way out here.”

“Easier to deal with. She was on the holo-net quite often. It would be difficult at the complex.”

It made sense, but he was leaving something out and I knew it.

He asked his own question before I could press the issue. “Why didn’t _you_?”

“Why didn’t I what?”

“Shoot her. You obviously don’t like her. I’m sure you’ve had opportunities. Yet you didn’t shoot her.”

I looked at my caf. He was right again. I _had_ had chances to kill her. Several. Hell, I’d even _stopped_ someone else from killing her once. I set my cup down and pulled at my bracelet. “I couldn’t,” I admitted finally. “I wanted to. I really did. But I couldn’t. Which is stupid. I shouldn’t even care. It’s not like she’s ever been there for me.”

“But you do care.”

“I _did_. I still believed she could… that she _would_ change. She was supposed to care. I was just a means to an end.” I shook my head, chuckling dryly. “She even promised I’d be safe. And I actually trusted her. I was such an idiot.”

“You think very lowly of yourself.”

He wasn’t asking that time. Between actually being in my head and being around when I broke down,  anyone intelligent could’ve figured that out.

“So why are you still here?”

I almost dropped my cup as I picked it up again. “Wh-what?”

“You’re still alive. Still fighting and trying to stay alive,” Endorian said slowly. “Why?”

 _He’s trying to get at… something. I can’t figure it out and I don’t like it._ “I… I crave the adrenaline. Helps clear my head. Besides, I’m still human. Self-preservation instincts kick in.”

“That can’t be it. At least, not the whole reason.”

“Why does this matter?” I asked, swirling the caf around in my cup.

“Because, if you do choose to come with me, then I need to know what I’ll be working with and trying to train.”

“Do _not_ make it sound like I’m some… some project,” I snapped. “It won’t end well for you.”

Endorian held his hands up. “I’m not. I’m not. And I’m pretty sure I’d be fine.”

He probably didn’t mean for me to hear the last part, but I did. It annoyed me that I wouldn’t have much of a chance against him. “Whatever. I’m alive because I am, okay? Sometimes things just happen like that.”

“Without a reason?”

 _Everything happens for a reason._ I was honestly sick of hearing it. Dad had said it. Uncle Conner said it a lot. Even Lynx said it. “Sometimes there isn’t a reason. Things just… happen and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“If that’s what you really believe.”

 _It’s not._ “It is.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be a good liar?”

“Shut up.” I sighed deeply. “Look, if you’re not gonna answer my questions at all, let alone honestly, why the hell should I answer yours?”

“You don’t have to. You didn’t have to. You just _did_.”

I couldn’t find anything to say to that. I didn’t understand why I’d been so open with people. Within a few months, I’d already told people more than I had in years. Maybe I just felt weaker than I had before. More vulnerable.

Or maybe I was starting to trust people more.

I didn’t know if I liked that or not.

“I’ve got a headache,” I muttered, pulling at my hair with one hand. I needed it cut again.

“Of course you do, how much of that have you had tonight?”

I jumped and looked over at Darrick. “I… Sorry?”

Darrick sighed. “Why aren’t you sleeping? Well, I know why you’re not sleeping now, but… nevermind. No more caf, okay?”

“Yeah, sure.”

I waited until he left to finish drinking the caf. “Do you really think I can learn to control it?” I asked Endorian.

“Maybe. You _did_ use it the other day without blacking out.”

“Yeah, but I wasn’t controlling it. I just got… _mad_. And after that, I was so on edge I… I hurt Darrick.”

“You still feel guilty about that?”

I nodded. “Of course I do. Darrick’s _never_ hurt me. Or done anything to hurt me. I don’t want to hurt him. He doesn’t deserve to be hurt.”

“And you do?”

I groaned. I didn’t want to think about it anymore. “I… I should go… somewhere.”

I ended up sitting in the room I shared with Kanan. And Darrick, who’d stopped sleeping on the couch because he said it wasn’t all that good for my back or sides. I grabbed the backpack Darrick had brought from one of my hideouts.

I opened it and sifted through it quietly. A couple holo-disks collided, and I winced a little at the sound, but Kanan and Darrick stayed sleeping. It was still where I’d left it, shoved almost carelessly into the bottom of the bag.

It was in tatters after nine years.

Keeping it was stupid. Childish. But the one time I’d nearly lost it, I’d almost cried.

And sometimes I still needed the stupid stuffed Loth-cat stained with blood. It had been the one thing I’d cared about taking when Uncle Conner carried me out of my old house.

It still comforted me. I held it close despite the blood and dirt on it.

Not even Darrick knew I still had the damn thing.

But I knew what I was going to do.

* * *

_**A/N: A very dialogue-focused chapter (duh). It's also...................** _

_**The next to last chapter of this story! I'm finally going to actually finish a story! :) I'm sad that it's almost over, but still.** _

_**As always, feedback is appreciated.** _


	25. Progress

** Chapter 25: Progress **

Jazen's POV:

I woke up alone in my bunk. I didn’t remember falling asleep, let alone actually going to bed. I sat up and stretched. Had to admit, sleeping on the bed instead of the couch definitely felt better. When I looked down, I noticed my Loth-cat in the bed with me, half underneath my blanket.

I shoved it back in my backpack with my holo-disks and Lynx’s jacket. I stood up, sighing at the quiet thud my prosthetic made when it hit the ground. Even lighter than normal ones, it still made too much noise.

Darrick was in the common room, leaning over something on the table.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

He didn’t jump like he usually did; he’d heard me, probably. “You’ll see. It’s almost done.”

“Yeah, but what i-” I tried to see it, but Darrick pushed me away gently. He still worried I would lose my balance too easily.

“Don’t look, kid. Just give me another twenty minutes, okay?” He paused then looked back at me. “Go get something to eat. An actual _meal_ , Jazen. Not just fruit. I’ll be checking.”

 _Well shit._ “Okay. How’s… how’s your hand?”

Darrick stopped what he was doing to look at me again. “I’m fine. How are your arms?”

I glanced down at the bandages still wrapped around my arms. “Fine.”

He smiled and turned back to the secret project. “That’s good. I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“I’m happy I’m feeling better, too.” I was going to walk away, but I stopped. “When did I fall asleep?”

“I’m… not sure. I went back to sleep after telling you to stop drinking caf. I woke up at about eight, and you were in bed already.”

“So you’re not the one who carried me to my bed?” If anyone else touched me while I was asleep, I’d freak out or attack them. Except Darrick. (Well, I had attacked him before, but not in the past year, not in my sleep.) “Then who…?”

“Might’ve been Hera or something. She’s in the cockpit with Kanan, Sabine, and the kid I don’t really trust.”

“Okay... I’ll talk to them, then eat, if that’s alright?”

“That’s fine. And no caf.”

My heart rate picked up when I got closer to the cockpit. I hadn’t talked to the others much since my break down. What if they said something? The couple times I _had_ spoken to them, Darrick had been there, too. He’d intervened if he thought they were going to say something he deemed the wrong thing to say.

_This is really just pathetic. Why don’t you just go hide behind Darrick?_

“Shut up,” I hissed.

_Grow up._

“Stop telling me to grow up.” Before that got out of hand, I walked inside the cockpit.

They heard my steps and looked at me as I sat down.

“You seem… better,” Hera said slowly.

“I feel better. Um… when I fell asleep last night… Were you the person that put me in my bed? ‘Cause Darrick didn’t, and…”

“That was me, actually,” Endorian answered.

I looked at him, frowning. “You did? And I didn’t freak out?”

“Nope.” Before I could ask why he did it, he continued, “I figured you probably shouldn’t be sleeping on the floor like that. Not good for your back.”

He had a point, but it was still weird. I was a light sleeper, barring being knocked out or drugged, and it was just… not like me. “Right… Sleeping on the floor _does_ hurt my back.”

“You’ve slept on the floor?” Hera asked.

I nodded. “I used to sleep on the floor all the time. Darrick got me to stop for awhile, but… I usually end up sleeping on the floor when I’m trying to _avoid_ sleeping by exercising or some shit. You have no idea how many times Darrick woke me up and made get on the couch.”

“Twenty-eight.” Darrick walked in as he said that, continuing before I could ask, “Yes, I counted. You were actually working yourself to _exhaustion_ , kid. You passed out more than you slept. It was kinda scary, you know.”

“It’s how I dealt with stress.”

Darrick sighed. “At least you’ve made progress with that. I made you something to eat.” He handed me a plate of food. It wasn’t _much_ , but still more than I normally ate.

“Thank you. I would’ve made my own food, though, Darrick.”

“Yeah, I know. I just wanted to make sure you ate something proper. Maybe not proper portions ‘cause I don’t want you getting sick from eating too much, but at least proper nutrition.”

“Did you finish-”

Darrick shook his head. “I took a break to make the food. I’ll be done with it after you eat. Just figured I’d check in on you. You good?”

“Great, actually.”

He waited until I’d taken a couple bites of the food before he left. The food was really kriffing delicious. Better than just eating fruit.

I paused when I noticed everyone else staring at me. “What?”

“You were humming,” Hera said.

“I was?”

Kanan nodded. “You didn’t notice?”

“No. I guess I’m just… happy.”

“I could tell,” Endorian spoke up.

I glared at him, but I wasn’t really mad. “Stop reading my emotions. It’s weird.” I carried the plate back to Darrick, and he smiled at me when I walked in.

“Good timing.”

“So I get to see the secret project now?”

Darrick grinned and held up a rifle. It wasn’t very much like my old one, but it still looked wicked cool. The barrel was longer than the one on my old rifle, and the scope was even higher-quality than my old one.

“How the hell did you… How did you afford that scope? How’d you afford _any_ of this?”

“I had them stored at one of my friend’s houses. I don’t know when I bought them, but I went and picked ‘em up a few days ago. Here.” Darrick handed me the rifle and stepped back a little, waiting.

It was heavier than my old rifle, but not by that much. Just enough weight that I could hold it for a long time without getting too tired and without it being too light to aim properly. Well, it would be, when I was back at full strength. Unlike my old one, it wasn’t dirty and scratched up. I lifted it and looked through the scope. It had more detailed crosshairs, and what seemed like an even longer range than the last rifle.

“Is this a sniper rifle?”

“Mainly, yeah. But you can mod it a little so it’s just a regular rifle, too. You like it?”

“Of course I do. But… are you sure you’re giving it to me? You could sell it for a lot of creds. That would really help you.”

Darrick nodded. “Positive. I made it for you. And… I found Daniel’s notebook in your bag. It’s got elements of his design in it.” When I didn’t say anything, Darrick sighed. “I’m sorry for going through your stuff, but I thought… I thought you’d like it better if it meant more to you than just a weapon.”

“I don’t mind that you went through my things because you’re you. What part of this was his design?”

“The stock. It’s usually not used on this kind of rifle, but, in his notes, he said it was a better fit. And it’s got your initials on the barrel. The design in the notebook was his initials, I just swapped it out.”

I turned it over, keeping it pointed safely away from me and Darrick. I’d thought there was a lot of effort put into the last rifle. But that was nothing compared to this.

“Darrick, why? I’ve only caused you trouble. Why would you keep doing all these things for me?”

I tried to hand the rifle back, but he just pushed it back towards me. “You haven’t ‘only cause me trouble.’ Yeah, you’re stubborn. And yeah, you scare me sometimes. I keep doing these things because you need it, Jazen. Even if you like pretending you don’t. You _need_ someone that makes you feel safe and somewhere you’re not constantly in fight or flight mode. You need someone in your corner.”

I set the rifle down on the table carefully and hugged him. It took a minute for Darrick to hug me back. He wasn’t used to _me_ hugging him.

“Thank you for putting up with me and all the shit that comes with it.” I hesitated. “Now I feel kinda guilty…”

“Guilty for what?”

“For what I’ve decided to do. I really do want to stay with you and be normal and maybe progress towards getting to a better state mentally, but… I’d rather have better control of my ability before that. I don’t want what happened with those Stormtroopers to happen again.”

I stepped back when he didn’t answer. “Darrick?”

“I understand, kid. If you need to, you can _always_ stay with me whenever I get a new place. And you better treat your injuries properly or I will find you.”

I smiled at him. “Riiiiight. I’m great at disappearing, remember?”

“Don’t go dark on me without letting me know first, either.”

“I won’t.”

“Promise me,” Darrick pressed.

“I _promise_ ,” I replied. “Also… could you cut my hair? I hate cutting it myself, and it’s bothering me now.”

“Sure. Same as last time?”

I nodded, and he walked away to find some scissors. _Still have to tell everyone else. But that can wait._

* * *

**_A/N: I was originally going to make the final chapter one big, 3,000 word chapter, buuuut, between going to a dance with my boyfriend, telling my closest friends I'm genderfluid, clubs, literary rally, and school itself, I figured I'd post the first half so that y'all aren't left waiting for a month or so for the chapter._ **


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